Didn't Need You Until I Came To
by EmeraldGrey57
Summary: Fill for a prompt on the BTR Kink Meme OT4. Kendall goes into heat. I don't care how. I just want him slutty and needy and trying to hide it but failing miserably. Smut NC-17 Graphic
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush**

**Chapter One**

The first time it happens, Kendall is thirteen and he thinks he's dying. It's nearing the end of winter but his skin is fire-hot and his sheets are soaked through with sweat. He can't breathe, can't think, can't do anything but roll his hips against his hand and whimper as he soils his sheets again. That's the year he starts doing his own laundry.

The second time it happens, Kendall comes about as close as he'll ever get to neutering himself. He doesn't, obviously, but the thought crosses his mind and he really doesn't know how he feels about that, because some ideas should never look appealing, even after having seven orgasms in less than a day.

The third time it happens, Kendall tries to get himself off faster with porn. It doesn't work, but he discovers some kinks he never knew he had, and figures out exactly what the big deal is with prostates. It's the closest thing to relief he gets, and he uses up half a bottle of conditioner within a matter of days.

Right now, Kendall is just starting his fourth heat and he actually has a pretty solid idea of what to expect. He's locked himself in the bathroom and squirreled himself away in the shower. His mom keeps knocking on the door and asking if he's alright, and if Kendall stays in the shower for much longer, she probably will call an ambulance. She's supposed to leave soon, within the next hour actually, but if Kendall doesn't come out before then and prove that he's more or less stable, she'll skip her interview and stay home to take care of him, which he cannot let her do. He also can't leave the bathroom with such an obvious boner, so he has to take care of that first, something easier said than done.

It's still early on, and the superhuman stamina hasn't quite kicked in, but there's an ache already settling throughout his body, and coming is starting to look less and less likely with each passing second. Kendall's wrists are actually cramping and his dick is flushed almost to the point of pain. He has one foot propped up on the side of the tub and his other hand shoved between his legs, fingers furiously stabbing into his body. It's not enough - nothing is ever enough - but it helps a bit. He grunts, shifting forward to rest his head against the shower wall, and doing so forces his fingers to press a little harder.

There's a knock on the door and Kendall grimaces. His mom's voice should instantly kill his boner, "Kendall, baby, if you're really feeling that bad-"

"I-I'm fine, mom!" He manages, rubbing his sweet spot furiously. He can feel everything tightening up inside of him, ready to burst, "I'll be out in- in just a sec!"

His voice cracks, but his mom doesn't seem to notice, and she tells him she's going to fix her makeup, and if he's not out by the time she comes back, she's going to stay home with him. He'd be panicking, but he doesn't actually have the brain power to figure out a word she said at the moment, so he just keeps fucking back onto his fingers.

"O-oh!-okay." Kendall answers, and hopes to god the sound of the shower distorted his voice enough to hide the moan. He hears his mom's heels clacking against the floor as she walks away. If Kendall's hands weren't currently engaged in other, more important matters, he'd be hitting himself. His head thumps against the wall when he comes though, and Kendall figures it's kind of the same thing.

It's day two and the guys are getting suspicious. It was never a problem back home. He'd convince his mom he was sick and she'd let him stay home from school and practice and she wouldn't let anyone come over because she's over protective like that. Katie was usually at school, and when she wasn't, she would avoid him because she didn't want to get sick either, and his mother spent most of the day at work anyway, so Kendall pretty much spent his past heats with the house to himself, and although he'd more or less confined himself to his bedroom anyway, he didn't have to stay quiet or worry about somebody walking in on him.

Things won't be so easy here though. Sure, he doesn't have to worry about Katie or his mom as much, who seem to go off and do their own thing every day and only ever come back to sleep, but there are three other people living in the apartment and Kendall shares a room with one of them. James may not be the most observant guy but he'll notice something's up eventually, and if he somehow doesn't, Logan definitely will. Kendall doesn't doubt that his mom will have the other boys watching him like a hawk, and he's absolutely terrified.

They can't find out. Kendall knows he's not normal, and he's never been ashamed of himself before, but this is one secret he'd always planned on taking to his grave. He just hopes that this time around, things won't be so bad.

They are. By the third day Kendall knows that this is probably the worst heat he's ever experienced. He doesn't know if it's because they're in LA, where the air is always warm and the sun is always bright, or if it's because he's getting older, or if it's the fact that he spends most of his time surrounded by his three best friends (all of whom he can admit are decently attractive dudes). What Kendall does know is that his recovery time is decreasing rapidly, he's having difficulty thinking about anything other than sex, and by the end of day five, even Gustavo can't quite kill his ever-present boner. He knows he's hit rock bottom.

Kendall manages to get out of practice, but only because his mom went all mother bear on Gustavo and forced the man to let Kendall take time off until he was better. Kendall doesn't really care how it happened, he's just grateful it did. Seeing the guys all sweaty and glistening, half-clothed with sunshine skin was driving him crazy. He nearly came while watching Carlos' throat move when he hit one of the higher notes.

So now he's back in 2J, alone, and as far as everyone else knows he's trying to sleep off what looks to be the flu. In reality, he's laying back on his bed with his shirt rucked up to his armpits, his jeans around his knees and one hand tucked up between his legs while he twists his nipples with the other. Images flash across the backs of his eyelids, and at first they're of supermodels and strangers, of girls with round breasts and slim waists and pouty lips, of beautiful flowing hair draped over an elegant shoulder. They slowly shift though, and those curves start to sharpen and those faces square and everything is slowly becoming more familiar and all Kendall can think of is how much he wants to be touched by a strong, calloused hand, how he wants somebody to work his body properly, how he wants to suck a dick so much his mouth is actually watering at the thought.

Fuck, he wants hard abs and bulky biceps and the rasp of stubble against his cheek. He wants large hands that can cover his skin and a body that can cage him and touch him everywhere. He wants a man.

His friends feature in his fantasies. Carlos and Logan and James are all beautiful and strong and wrongwrongwrong, and even others, people like Dak Zevon (which Kendall is sort of okay with) and Jett fucking Stetson (which Kendall is definitely not) show up from time to time. Kendall doesn't want to get off on any of it, but he is and he feels himself getting close but he knows he won't come for awhile. He remembers how torturous it is, feeling like he's going to burst but unable to get over the edge because his body needs something he can't provide, something he can't identify. When he finally does finish, it's with a sob.

James is by far the worst. Carlos is just too damn adorable to really intrude on Kendall's fantasies, though he does show up sometimes, when Kendall's basking in the closest thing to afterglow that he gets, with nibbling teeth and sloppy kisses along his jaw and neck, gentle hands stroking him to completion. Logan's arms have featured in numerous fantasies, his muscles twitching as he jerks Kendall off, flexing as he holds Kendall down and rolls their hips together. The way his hair feels when Kendall fists his hand in it and pulls him closer.

James though... Kendall doesn't even have to use much imagination there. James is sex incarnate.

It doesn't help that they share a room.

The following morning, James comes out of the bathroom in just a pair of shorts. His hair is still dripping wet from his shower, little drops of water sliding down the contours of his body. Steam follows him into the room and it's the hottest thing Kendall has ever fucking seen in his life. And James, the fucker, just smiles, completely unaware of what he's doing.

Kendall tries not to stare, but his eyes roam over James' body, drinking in his fill of the taller boy's muscular back as he searches for clothes. Kendall shifts, desperate for some friction. Seeing James like this is torture, but Kendall can't fucking look away. James' shoulders are firm and muscled, and he has a deep dip at the small of his back that swoops out in a smooth curve at the top of his ass. His hips are slim but strong, bordering the sharp V at his groin, leading up to his chiseled abs-

James clears his throat and Kendall realizes with horror that James is facing him now, looking at him with an eyebrow raised and holding his shirt over his chest uncomfortably.

"Hmm?" Kendall asks, tries to play it like he wasn't practically drooling, but he doesn't sound nearly as relaxed as he'd hoped and there's a blush spreading across his body and James' eyes look like they're smoldering.

"Dude, you seriously just blanked out for a second there," James says as he crosses the room with three giant steps, concern on his face, "You're really sick aren't you? Jesus, you're sweating like crazy!"

Kendall nods, not trusting his voice and letting James form his own theory.

Wrong move.

James reaches out and lays his hand on Kendall's forehead, as if to check his temperature and Kendall can't help but moan because the contact feels so fucking good. He eagerly pushes up into James' hand, cat-like and unable to help himself, and the sound that he makes is pure desperation.

James pulls his hand back like he's been burned and Kendall leans up to follow him before he realizes what he's doing. James reaches out again, reassured that his touch didn't hurt Kendall, and Kendall wants to hate him for forcing the temptation. He means to pull away, to fall back and pretend whatever just happened didn't, but it physically pains him to do so, so Kendall stays sitting up with James' enormous hand cupping his cheek and tries not to fall apart with the relief.

He blushes and hums, the feeling of someone else's touch like a balm on his skin. Kendall's never had somebody touch him when he's at this point, and it feels so fucking amazing, like water in the desert or hot chocolate in the snow.

"I'm sorry. Sorry, James, sorry." Kendall whispers, eyes shut, and he sounds worn out and distant, his voice the sort of mumble reminiscent of delirium. James doesn't jump away though. Instead, he slowly eases Kendall's head back down onto the pillow and sits beside him, carding his fingers through Kendall's hair soothingly. It feels good, his cool skin pressing against Kendall's scalp, chasing away the heat and the need, but the relief is short-lived, because it's still James, and he's still almost naked, and Kendall is still really, really turned on, and shit, this isn't actually helping at all!

Kendall shifts, dragging the blankets around to better cover his increasing interest, and James shakes his head at the movement, eyes dropping down, "Dude, what are you doing under all those blankets? You're gonna smother yourself."

James stands up and Kendall has a quick moment to mourn the loss of his hand, but then he realizes what James is about to do and-

It's too late. James has yanked the blankets off of Kendall and thrown them across the room. Kendall tries to curl up, to hide, to not let James see, but he must see, because the next thing Kendall knows the room is dead silent and James has tensed up and Kendall's red-faced and absolutely mortified.

He rolls away to face the wall and buries his face into his pillow. Don't let this be real. Please don't let this be real.

"Uh..." James clears his throat, "Sorry about that. I didn't, I'll just- I'm gonna-" He jabs a thumb over his shoulder and starts towards the door, completely unconcerned with the fact that he's in his underwear and nothing else.

Kendall blames the heat for what he does next, because if Kendall was thinking straight at all, he would have let James go. Instead, he reaches out and latches onto James' wrist desperately, holding tight. He doesn't let his grip loosen even when James tries to pull away.

"Dude, it's cool, I'm just gonna-"

"Stay." Kendall pleas, and he'd like to say his voice was strong but it's not. It's weak and cracky, and full of fear, and he's trying so hard not to pull James down beside him and lick the water off his chest.

James doesn't turn around, doesn't really react at all, so Kendall keeps talking, "Please, James. Don't leave me."

He waits, his fingers falling away reluctantly as James stands there, facing away from him. Kendall watches the tension bleed out of James' body, sees his bulky shoulders drop and the lines of his back ease. Kendall finally drops his hand all together and lets his eyes burn holes into the taller boy's skin. If James leaves, Kendall at least wants the memory, even if the last thing he needs is more mental jerk-off material.

James shakes his head, "I don't- You're sick right now, Kendall. You have a fever and you don't know what you're saying. I get that. It's okay. You don't have to be embarrassed or anything about this later. We'll just pretend it never happened."

If Kendall was in his right mind, he'd see the truth, realize why James is hesitating, why he's conflicted. He'd feel like an ass for not seeing it before, for not realizing how James felt. He'd do exactly as James said and pretend this never happened.

He's not in his right mind though, and all that Kendall can think is that if James leaves, he's going to die. The heat is going to destroy him from the inside out and it's actually going to kill him this time. Kendall may take risks and throw caution to the wind, but dying still scares the shit out of him, and he's absolutely terrified at how quickly everything is moving and he's just. So. Needy.

Kendall groans in disagreement, "No. No, James, I'm not. I'm okay. I just need you. Please, I can't-"

James growls and the sound is so sudden and deep that it cuts through the haze for a moment. Kendall stops speaking and freezes in place. James turns around quickly and leans over the bed, his hips level with Kendall's face and his hands on the mattress. Kendall's mouth waters and he swallows, forcing himself to look at James' eyes and not the smooth muscles of his tan thighs.

"No, Kendall. You don't get to-" He shakes his head, frustrated, "I'm not gonna do that. You want a fuck buddy, you ask somebody else." James steps back angrily, but Kendall is already protesting and reaching after him, grabbing James' hand before he can stop himself.

"Won't work. Want you. Can't stop thinking about you." He forces James to palm him. Both boys moan at the sensation, Kendall bucking up into James' hand and James pressing down despite himself. He seems to be struggling with something an aware Kendall would recognize, and then suddenly he's not. He places one knee up on the bed and leans over Kendall, pressing their chests together as he draws the blond up into a fierce kiss. Kendall grabs James' shoulders and lets James lick into his mouth. He presses upwards desperately and then James is moving away again, kneeling on the floor and dragging Kendall to the edge by his hips.

Kendall lets out a confused whine but then James is pulling off his boxers and his hands are large and cool on Kendall's thighs and it feels so fucking good to be touched. So good that it takes him a moment to realize that James has stopped moving, and Kendall's eyes open slowly. He blinks a few times to clear the fuzz from his brain, and then James' face comes into focus and he's wearing this sort of stunned expression. Kendall follows his gaze down to where his legs are spread wide, to the space where James was pressed against him just moments before. He moans, embarrassed and hot and way past caring.

"Jesus." James breathes, eyes locked on Kendall's hole. It's shiny with lube, dark and fluttering, fucked open by Kendall's fingers and swollen from the attention. It looks painfully raw despite the slick. James reaches out and strokes his finger over it, making Kendall jerk and moan miserably. He's as wet as he looks. James stifles a moan, "You're so red."

He rolls his finger across the pucker, biting his lip thoughtfully with a look of wonder on his face. Kendall makes a broken sound and pushes back into the touch, "Please."

James looks back up at his face, startled, as if he'd forgotten Kendall was even there. Their gazes meet and Kendall lets his eyes slide closed in embarrassment. They snap open again when James starts rubbing over his hole, slowly but constant, adding just the slightest amount of pressure, and Kendall shudders desperately.

James is breathing deeper now, pupils dilated as he watches where his finger is pressed up against Kendall's swollen opening, "What...? Kendall...?"

Kendall knows what he's trying to ask, so he doesn't force James to fish for words when he doesn't need to. He interrupts, voice hoarse and breathy. "Heat." He says softly. James shakes his head, indicating he doesn't get it, so Kendall clarifies, a little louder now, his voice breaking on a gasp when James' finger finally dips in, "I'm in heat."

James looks down at his hand in surprise, like he hadn't meant to enter Kendall, but then his head snaps back up as the words register, "You're in...? Like, like heat?"

Kendall nods, head lolling against the pillow and his hips slowly rocking back against James' hand. He bites his lip and releases it, trying to focus. This is an important conversation, and he needs to pay attention.

"...Like a dog?" James asks, and he sounds doubtful and curious, and doesn't seem to notice the horrified blush that spreads over Kendall's body at the comparison.

Kendall nods despite himself, mortified as he answers, "Y-yeah. Like a- like a dog." The words taste like shame.

James seems to deflate at that, but Kendall doesn't notice, just drags the larger boy's free hand up towards his chest and makes James spread his fingers wide to cover as much skin as he can. He's already panting, "Can't stop thinking about you. Fuck, James, I'm sorry. So sorry. I can't stop. I need you. I, I-"

"Tell me." James asks, cutting Kendall off, eyes darting all around: at where his fingertip is pressed into Kendall's hole, at the shorter boy's fluttering eyelids and furious blush, at the nervous tic in his jaw and the straining tendons along the backs of his hands as he buries his fingers in the comforter. At the place where his teeth pull at his lip until it's taut and white.

"Once a year, uhn, every year. Early spring." Kendall manages to say. His feet dig into the mattress for leverage and he rocks a little harder against James' finger, wanting it in him but too swollen and sore to really take it and too embarrassed to ask for James to force it, "Two weeks. I can't- Ah!" He rolls his hips down and James' finger disappears up to the first knuckle, surprising them both.

"Shit." He mumbles, raising his voice to continue explaining, "I can't come. I'm so fucking horny but I can't come. Uh! Eventually, I do, but it takes- takes a while. Hours."

Hours. James can't even imagine what that must be like. It sounds sort of awesome, to be on the edge of orgasm for so long, but the more he thinks about it, the less appealing the idea becomes. He looks down. Kendall's cock is flushed and heavy against his stomach, and it seems as though he's about to burst. James feels his own erection twinge in sympathy. Or maybe arousal. He's not sure.

"Oh god, it's bad." Kendall sobs, and James doesn't know what he means. He's not telling James to stop though, so James presses his finger in a bit further, watching Kendall's face for any indication that he's reading this wrong, that he should stop. There's nothing, just that humiliation and desperation that has been in Kendall's eyes since James first ripped his blankets away.

"What else?" He asks, twisting his finger and growing harder when Kendall whimpers and pushes back for more.

"Started... It started when I was thir-thirteen. Learned to fuck myself last year." He confesses, blushing harder, and James pushes a little deeper without meaning to. Kendall moans, a broken, helpless sound that doesn't fit anything James knows about the younger boy, "Oh god, James! Fuuucccckkkkk..." He throws a hand over his eyes and slowly drags it up into his hair. He pulls at the blond tresses, hissing at his own touch. James' mouth goes dry and he has to swallow several times before he can make a sound.

"So this- this helps?" James asks, pushing even further because Kendall hasn't tried to stop him and the sound he just made was scorchingly hot. He's just past his second knuckle now, finger almost all the way in. Kendall is tight around him, hot and swollen and wet. It looks painful, and judging by Kendall's expression, it is.

Kendall groans and nods, "Y-yeah. Hurts too, but I can't- I need it. Need it so bad."

Something occurs to James as he slowly pulls his finger back and thrusts it in again, his body eager to feel the same drag elsewhere, "How far are you?"

Kendall frowns, eyebrows coming together in confusion, "Wh-what?"

"You said it lasts two weeks. How far are you?" James clarifies, crooking his finger.

Kendall's adam's apple rolls as he swallows, and he blinks up at the ceiling before closing his eyes again, "S-six days. Gets worse."

Worse? How could it possibly get worse? James wonders. Kendall is a wreck right now and things are supposed to get worse? James is actually a little intimidated by the prospect. And a little interested, if he's honest. Because if he understands right, Kendall's going to be a total nympho for the next week or so, and he and James share a room, and James has sort of always liked Kendall, and he really likes sex, so...

Shit, he's hard.

James drags the heel of his free hand across his crotch, and pushes his boxers down his thighs. His cock flops out, rock hard and flushed. He breathes a sigh of relief, strokes himself once, and when he opens his eyes, Kendall is staring over at him hungrily. It hadn't even occurred to James until now how much he wants to fuck Kendall (he only realized that he wants to fuck him at all just moments earlier), but now that he's thinking about it, he knows he'll do whatever it takes to have the younger boy snug around his dick.

James gives himself one more squeeze and then grabs Kendall's left thigh, pushing his legs further apart. He pulls his finger back out until he's just up to his first knuckle and traces a second digit along Kendall's rim, pressing down against the puffy flesh. Kendall whines high in the back of his throat and James leans forward, mesmerized by how sensitive Kendall is. He wonders...

James flicks his tongue out, just between his finger tips and Kendall makes a sobbing sound, leg jerking against James' other hand. James tightens his grip, and Kendall fights it a little, but not very much, and James thinks that maybe Kendall likes being held down. He'll play with that later - because there will be a later - but for now...

James smirks and pulls his fingers free, taking hold of Kendall's other thigh and pushing his legs even further out of the way. He flattens his tongue and licks a long stripe over Kendall's entrance, forward and back. Kendall's muscles quiver beneath his hands. James points his tongue against Kendall's hole and pushes in just slightly, pulling back and dipping forward just to hear Kendall's breath catch.

James knows it's sort of wrong for him to be so aroused by this, by how vulnerable and weak and needy Kendall is right now, but he can't help it. It's just so- so different from the Kendall he knows. In the back of his mind, James is pissed at himself. He hates how easily he gave in because he knows that when this is all over, he'll just crave Kendall that much more, and he'll have memories to fuel his fantasies and he'll actually know what Kendall sounds like when he's being eaten out. But right now, James is not thinking about later. He's just thinking about Kendall and how irresistible he looks, squirming on the bed with his face turned to the side as he pants into the pillow, "Oh, fuck. Oh, god. Oh, James. Shit. Please."

James twirls his tongue as he pulls away, thumb petting Kendall's perineum, "Please what?"

"Fuck me. Ah, fuck. Please. Want you, James. Want you so bad. Need it. Need you in me. So hot. Too hot. " Kendall says, rambling in a way that reminds James how unaware he truly is right now. James clenches his jaw in frustration. He doesn't want to think about later, doesn't want doubts or reality to ruin this for him.

"Please, James. Fucking come on. I'm begging you. Anything you want. Fucking take it. Take me." Words are just spilling past Kendall's lips and he's reaching out for James blindly. His hand grips James' shoulder tightly and he pulls the taller boy up onto the bed and down on top of him, dragging James' face to the hollow of his neck and holding him there as he grinds up against James' belly. He hooks his legs around James' thighs and it's the hottest fucking thing James has ever witnessed.

He bites Kendall's neck lightly, and then does it again, harder, when Kendall shivers and pulls him closer. He's gasping, legs raising until the heels of his feet are pressing into James' ass. His eyes are glassy and wild as he turns his head to grant James further access to his neck, still whispering, begging.

"James. Fuck me, James. Fuck, just do it. Fucking fuck me." He whines, voice breaking and James isn't waiting any longer. He buries his face in Kendall's neck to get a grip on himself, and then pulls back to ask Kendall where the lube is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Chapter Two**

Kendall shakes his head as if to clear it, and then flaps a hand towards the nightstand, and then tilts his head back in the most sensual way as he shakes it again, and tightens his hold on James' shoulders, "Fuck. No. No time. Don't- don't need it. Just you. Fucked myself earlier. Come on, James, come on. I'm ready. Fuck."

James gasps, hips jerking against Kendall because that... Jesus Christ, that's dirty. He reaches down and feels along Kendall's hole again, quickly pressing a finger all the way in and Kendall quakes below him. He's still tight and swollen, and James has no idea how the hell he's going to be able to put his cock in there, not to mention how he'll be able to do so without tearing Kendall apart.

"Kendall, I don't-" He starts to say, but Kendall fists his hand in James' hair and yanks his face back from his neck, and then he leans up and bites James' lip with such ferocity James actually cries out and tries to push him away. Kendall just bites him again, hard enough that James thinks he might actually be bleeding, but before he can ask what the hell that was for, he's being flipped onto his back.

It happens so suddenly and James has no clue how Kendall was able to do that when just seconds ago he couldn't seem to do anything but shiver and whine, but somehow he's got James pinned beneath him and he's kissing James so hard that James is now positive that at least one of them is bleeding. He hisses as Kendall's teeth dig into his lip again, and puts his arms up to shove the blond away because that fucking hurt, but then he feels a hand on his dick, and Kendall is reaching back to spread himself open and he's sinking downdowndown onto James' cock with a choked sob. His eyes are closed tightly and his sharp white teeth are clamped down on his lip, and James was right - there's blood there. His tongue darts out to check his own lip, and he winces when he touches busted skin, but he can't be too mad because Kendall's on top of him and so fucking beautiful.

His skin is flushed, bright red from the tips of his ears and all down his chest and he's clearing embarrassed, apologizing like 'sorry' is the only word he currently knows, but James is just staring up in a sort of horrified awe. And then Kendall pushes himself down even further, the head of James' dick popping inside, and James' hands fly up to grip pale hips in an effort to steady the younger boy. His own breath catches right along with Kendall's because Kendall is clenching like a fucking vice around him, "Shit."

Kendall wasn't lying about fucking himself earlier. He's crazy-slick inside, with copious amount of lube, but nothing can make up for the swelling caused by all the abuse he's forced on himself, and James gasps at the drag of flesh against flesh as Kendall forces James further into his body.

Kendall whines pathetically, rising up and pressing back down, one hand braced on the bed by James' hip while he uses the other to hold himself open. James slides his hand back before he even realizes what he's doing, and he pushes Kendall's arm away so he can spread his cheeks himself. Kendall lets him and moves his hands to either side of James' head, his chin dropping to his chest and James realizes that Kendall's watching himself be penetrated. James chokes on a moan of his own and struggles to keep his eyes from rolling back as he looks as well and his fingers brush up against where they're connected. Kendall's voice cracks on a sob of James' name and he bears down even harder in response.

James has never felt anything so tight before, and he can't help but say as much as his hands grab Kendall's cheeks and he spreads him even wider. Kendall is fire-hot around him and James doesn't know how he can take being so full, and he asks that too but Kendall doesn't answer. Instead, he just continues to make these soft, broken sounds as he rolls his hips, slowly swallowing James down and James can do nothing but watch in amazement as his cock disappears into Kendall's body. He moans.

It suddenly occurs to James that people actually do this, and that Kendall is one of those people. He hasn't been with anyone before, not from what James understands, but he's had things inside of him and he's gotten off on it, and now he has James inside of him and he's getting off on that and it's so fucking dirty.

Kendall's taken just a little over half of James' length when his arms suddenly give out and he collapses forward onto James' chest, his hands curling around James' shoulders and squeezing on reflex. He buries his face in the crook of James' neck, and James can feel tears on his skin, and his eyes blink open, startled. He really hates how turned on he is by all of this, especially because Kendall is actually crying, and James hasn't seen Kendall cry since the night his dad left. James pretty much feels like the world's biggest asshole right now, but Kendall still feels so good around him and what the hell kind of pervert gets off on their friend's crying?

It takes a moment for James to realize that Kendall's mumbling something too, and it's even longer before James can hear him over the rush in his own ears and the guilt that's weighing him down.

"I can't. I can't. It's not enough. Fuck, Jamie. It's not enough." Kendall cries, teeth clenched in a grimace as tears fall into the hollow of James' collarbone, "You gotta- I gotta. I can't do it, James."

James reaches up and threads his fingers through Kendall's sweat-damp hair, willing himself to focus, because as hard as it is to do so, Kendall just called him Jamie, and he hasn't done that since they were kids either, "You can't what?"

Kendall's hands scratch down James' arms and he wraps his fingers around the lower part of his friend's biceps, pressing so hard his nails bite into the skin. It stings pretty badly, but James figures now would be the ideal time to suck it up and not be a pussy, so he lets Kendall maim him with minimal protests. Kendall immediately starts blubbering again, (or maybe he never stopped- James can't tell you which) nipping at James' collarbone like he just can't help himself, and James is actually pretty sure he can't, "James, please. I can't take it. Can't do it. It's not enough. Need it. Need you, Jamie. It's so hot."

"Shh, shh." James coos, wrapping an arm around Kendall and holding him close, kissing the side of his head, and getting really pissed at his dick because it doesn't seem to care about Kendall at all, the little fucker. Well, not anywhere near little, but...Ugh! James bites his still-smarting lip to clear his mind for a moment longer and tries not to lose himself in the smell of Kendall's fire. He strokes Kendall's arms with gentle fingers, hoping to calm him, "What do you need, Kenny? Just tell me what you need me to do."

Kendall mumbles something that James can't hear and James gently pushes Kendall back despite the sound of protest the blond makes, "What did you say?"

Kendall keeps his head down and his eyes lowered, refusing to look anywhere above James' neck, "I need you to fuck me."

"Um..." James says, because he's pretty sure that's what they're doing, but then Kendall shifts a bit and shakes his head. He's still looking down, sweaty hair hiding his face, and James tries not to be hurt by that.

"No, I need- I need it... deeper. I need you to- fuck. I can't do it myself. It h-hurts too much. You have to-" He swallows hard, and James is still too stunned to hear Kendall speaking like this, so ashamed and unsure of himself, to put two and two together until Kendall actually says it, "You have to force it. I can't- It's too much."

"I-" James squeaks. He hadn't been expecting that. Kendall can't seriously be asking him to- that's just-

No. No way.

"But I'll hurt you." He protests. He's not sure how Kendall isn't screaming as it is, but he doesn't think the blond will actually be able to take more, not when he's already so swollen that it's almost uncomfortable for James.

Kendall just shakes his head, "You have to. It won't stop! Gotta do it, Jamie. I need it to stop. Please! Fuck, please! I'm burning up."

Kendall chokes out a sob and drops back down so suddenly that James can't help but gasp. Kendall's skin feels like fire, past fever-hot and into the danger zone, skin slick with sweat. He whimpers and presses himself tightly to James' chest. It's not just James' libido playing tricks on him; Kendall is actually burning up.

How the fuck did James miss that?

Kendall lifts his head just enough to look James in the eye for the first time in what seems like forever, and there are tears streaming down his face and he's literally pleading with James. His expression is contorted in a grimace, teeth bared with pain for a moment, and then he relaxes a bit, shoulders shaking. His eyes are bright green and watery, the dampness of his eyelashes making them dark and thick, like the feathers of a raven, and there's something else James can't place, something he doesn't recognize on Kendall's face. James feels like he's just taken a battering ram to the chest when he realizes what it is: Kendall is terrified.

James brings a hand up to Kendall's cheek and thumbs away a tear, unease creeping into the gesture. Kendall's afraid. Kendall's embarrassed and uncomfortable and he's afraid and James doesn't know how he feels about that, just that things seem much more serious than they did when he just thought Kendall was ridiculously horny and his best friend wasn't begging for something he can't truly want.

James nods quickly and leans up to kiss Kendall once before flipping them back over. Kendall whimpers as James' cock shifts inside of him, and then he's on his back with James looming over him. James kisses him again as he pulls out and rolls his hips forward with a bit of force, inching his way into Kendall. Kendall keens, wrapping his arms around James' neck and pulling the taller boy down on top of him. His teeth are digging into James' shoulder and it hurts like a bitch but James doesn't stop because Kendall needs this. He rocks against Kendall again, stroking his cheek and his hip and touching him everywhere he can because it seems to calm Kendall down, seems to distract from the heat, and his heart breaks a bit with every pained sound Kendall makes as he sinks deeper into his body.

James hates that he can't shut up, because Kendall is hurting and all he can seem to do is tell him how fucking good he feels and how long James has been dying to do this, and how sexy he looks with his hair messed up. He starts spilling secrets, sharing all the fucked up fantasies that he's had over the past six or so years (pretty much since he figured out what sex was), and all the ways he's wanted to have Kendall, "Wanted you so bad. Just wanted to tackle you and fuck you right out there on the ice. Just take you like that. And your chest would be on the rink and your nipples would be so cold and hard and you would push back onto me and say my name over and over again."

His mind is yelling at him to stop speaking but James has always been a talker and when he's with someone, lost in the moment, he just starts to ramble like a loon, spewing out whatever filth comes to mind like some sort of weird porn flick. He ducks his face down and licks Kendall's chest, teeth grazing a nipple and Kendall's back arches up against James' mouth as he moans. James flicks out his tongue and then he's fucking talking again, "Good thing you guys got ejected from that game. I would've done it if you hadn't. Would've fucking slammed you against the wall and dropped to my knees and licked your fucking ass out until you begged me to fuck you. Would've spread you open and teased you, fucking touched you everywhere. Shit."

Kendall digs his heels into James' lower back with bruising force, trying to pull him in deeper. He's whimpering and gasping, clutching at James like he has no idea what to do with himself. His hands scratch down James' back, his teeth grazing across James' chest, and he's moaning so loudly he probably hasn't heard a word James has said, and James really hopes he hasn't because he's sort of embarrassed that he just admitted to being turned on by the incident that led to their team's loss against Duluth. Kendall's always bitter about losses, and he'd probably punch James for having dirty thoughts during such an important game. When you're on the rink, the only thing that exists is hockey.

James grabs Kendall's thighs, his giant hands easily lifting the blond's legs and forcing them up, dipping down to rest them on his shoulders. The new angle lets him push forward a little more, forcing his way past any resistance. He really hopes he's doing the right thing by giving in to Kendall's demands, but if for some reason he isn't, he doesn't think he'd be able to stop now. Kendall is hot and soft around James' dick, tighter than any girl James has ever banged, and sexier than any boy who's ever appeared in James' wet dreams. Well, maybe not sexier than mirror!James, but that's a whole different thing that James doesn't want to get into right now. At the moment, he's focused on the boy beneath him.

Kendall seems to get tighter the deeper James sinks, and the taller boy winds up pushing so hard that Kendall is sliding up the bed with each thrust, nearly folded in two. He grabs Kendall by the shoulders and drags him back down, pulling him further onto his cock. Kendall moans and James licks one of his canines, places a sloppy kiss on his chin that's more teeth than anything else. Kendall's tongue slips out to try and catch him, but James is already pulling away.

"You know when we would get ice cream during the summer, and you would fucking lick it and it would take you so long to finish and you'd have it melting all over your hands and you'd suck it off you fingers. God, you looked filthy when you did that. I wanted to put you on your knees and watch you suck my cock, wanted to have you lick me like that. Would you do that? Let me fuck your mouth?" James raises up onto one hand and drags his opposite finger along Kendall's lower lip. Kendall's tongue curls around it eagerly, tasting the webbing as he leans forward and tries to take more. James shivers, thrusting forward harder than he means to. Kendall cries out and bites down on James' finger just short of too hard, his fingernails raking down the taller boy's back. James can feel welts forming but he doesn't care, and he keeps talking over Kendall's attempts to apologize.

"Shit, Kenny. If I'd known... I would've helped you every time. Would've fucked you through it every year. Never have to worry. Take care of you." James promises as he drives forward with a grunt and suddenly he's all the way in, his hips pressed flush against the back of Kendall's thighs, the pressure engulfing him so intense. Kendall throws his head back, knees pressing tight around James' neck. His mouth has fallen open in a silent 'O' and his lips looks so fucking perfect, red with a little bit of blood, flashing white where his teeth dig in, and kiss-swollen all around when he lets go. James leans forward to nip at them, his cock brushing up against something inside of Kendall when he moves.

Kendall hooks his ankles together behind James' head, instantly arching up in an amazing display of flexibility. James only just manages to pull back quickly enough to keep from having his lip bitten again, but Kendall just drags him down and sinks his teeth into James' neck instead. James grunts, because that actually really fucking hurts (and really, what is with all the biting?) but Kendall can't seem to help himself and he's licking the bruised skin like an apology.

James circles his hips around and Kendall shudders beneath him, voice rising from a moan and almost to a scream, "Oh!", and somewhere in the back of his mind, James thinks he should be concerned because somebody is going to hear them if Kendall doesn't quiet down, but he's not so sure he really cares because this feels really fucking good and Kendall is so fucking beautiful right now.

He's babbling again, pushing back into every thrust James makes like it's all he's ever been meant to do, "James, James, Jamie. Fuck, fuck me, fucking do it, so fucking good. Shit, harder. Fuck! Oh god, perfect. So good, James, so fucking good. Oh!"

James' hands tighten on Kendall's legs and he leans forward so he can press that much deeper, "You like that, Kendall? Like being fucked like this? God, look at you. You're so fucking needy, so hot for my cock, huh?"

Kendall nods, making a sound that might be a yes, as his fingers struggle for purchase on James' back. James licks his ear, his voice low and rough and driving Kendall crazy, "You gonna be my bitch? Huh, Kendall? Gonna come for me, gonna scream for my cock?"

"Jamesss...!"

"Are you? Answer me, Kendall." James demands, halting his movement and using his weight to hold Kendall in place, "Tell me what you are."

Kendall sobs, trying to push back onto James, who is still so far inside of him, dick just resting on Kendall's prostate like a tease. Kendall's pride has long since shattered and he's not above begging in the least. "Yes. Yes, James, I'm your bitch! Oh God, I'm your bitch, I'm yours, fuck me! Please, just fuck me!" Kendall screams, actually fucking screams, face red with exertion and the cords of his neck sticking out.

James grins and licks a long stripe across Kendall's throat, rests his teeth over a tendon and adds the slightest pressure, "That's right. You are. You're mine now."

James lets up just enough for Kendall to push back and try to fuck himself on James dick. He can't get much leverage like this and he's crying with desperation, "Fuck me! James! J-Jamie, please fuck me! I need you!"

One hand comes up to grip the back of James' neck, fingers reaching up and tangling in the ends of his hair. James growls and grabs Kendall's wrist, shoving the blond's hand to the mattress, because Kendall should know not to touch his hair. Kendall struggles against his grip and reaches up to pry James' fingers free. James takes the oportunity to grab his other hand and pin it as well. Kendall huffs out something that might be an apology, a desperate breath of air and a whine, but James just tightens his hold on his bandmate's surprisingly delicate wrists. Kendall growls in frustration and uses his legs to try and pull James even closer, but the angle is all wrong and he ends up forcing James out a bit instead. Kendall makes a frustrated sound and tries to break free from James' hold. James turns his head and bites the back of Kendall's knee, "Stop."

Kendall does, his body suddenly going boneless. He sobs as his legs slide down the slopes of James' shoulders until they're resting in the crooks of his elbows. James lets go of Kendall's arms and grabs his thighs again, spreading him wider so he can lean between them and bite Kendall's jaw. He thrusts forward and starts fucking Kendall in earnest. Kendall turns his head and twists their tongues together, panting against James' lips, his voice whisper-soft but getting louder again, "Yes. Yes, James. Fuck! So good, so fucking good. Fucking me so good. Ah, ah! Oh James! Oh fuck! Oh shit! Jamie!"

He's reaching up again, probably doesn't even realize what he's doing, but he isn't touching James' hair so James lets his hands roam. Kendall's fingers slide over his skin, searching for a handhold, gripping his shoulders and readjusting, slippery with sweat as he struggles to find purchase. James begins moving faster, thrusting into Kendall rapidly with quick jabs of his hips that have the younger boy thrashing around. He's scratching at James' shoulders and struggling to hold James close despite the fact that he feels weak as a kitten. He's moaning and sobbing, gasping and panting, taking in rapid inhales that might be words, but at this point James can't identify any of them.

Kendall's eyes are flicking back and forth, fluttering closed and snapping open, darting around with the same desperate confusion the rest of his body seems to be experiencing. Sweat rolls down his temples and disappears into his hairline as he presses his head back into the pillow, mouth wide open, "Oh God. Oh my God. Oh my Gooooddd..."

James shifts Kendall's legs so they're wrapped around his waist, freeing his hands. He reaches up and roughly cards his fingers through the smaller boy's sweaty locks, using his grip to angle Kendall's head in a way that better exposes the side of his neck.

"Fucking beautiful, you know that?" He growls, voice low and throaty, his own breath coming hard and fast against Kendall's skin. James drags his teeth over the younger boy's pulse and Kendall moans and pushes into the pressure. His feet slip from around James' waist and fall to the bed. James can feel Kendall's toes curling where they touch his calves and for some reason, he finds that really fucking sexy.

James moans and reaches down between them to jerk Kendall off, but the moment his fingers come into contact with Kendall's cock, the blond is bending his back to get away and yelling at him, "Don't! Fuck, don't touch me! Hurts!"

James jerks his hand away, heart thumping with a mix of exertion and terror at Kendall's scream, and the younger boy struggles to get enough air to provide an explanation, "Too late. Close. Gotta- gotta happen on it's own. D-don't touch."

James nods frantically, but Kendall probably doesn't see it, lost in the heat that's taking over his senses. James' skin is soothing and cool in contrast, and Kendall wants to be touched everywhere, but he knows from experience that jerking off when he's at this point in the cycle doesn't help him finish any sooner; it just makes him hotter, and he can't afford to be hotter right now.

He's getting close, and part of him is crying with joy at the prospect of relief, however temporary, while the rest is crying at the heat building up within him. He swears he can see waves rising off of his skin, but that might just be his vision distorting. It does that when he reaches this point, when he's close to orgasm and the fever is about to break for a bit until it returns just hours later, even worse than before.

He's gasping, not even able to form words anymore, just broken sounds and throaty rasps. The air of the room seems thicker, and Kendall struggles to gulp down enough of it to fill his lungs. His chest is growing tight, pressure building in his ears, and breathing is so hard. He's clutching James closer, chin hooked over his shoulder, eyes closed tight. He opens them, pure animal instinct, looking for danger, for rescue, the feeling of panic welling up within him as the heat builds faster and faster.

It's hot, so hot, the air painfully dry in his throat, but thick and wet in his lungs. He feels like he's drowning, suffocating, dying of thirst all at the same time, heart thumping too fast, too hard, too much. His vision is spotting, flashes of light and color and deep, deep, black. The room is fading, everything spinning around, getting hotter, hotter, hotter, a feeling of vertigo, he's falling and-

Kendall comes with a shriek, his voice breaking half-way through and then his throat is convulsing but there's no sound coming out. He'd be concerned with his voice - he should be concerned with his voice - but he's lost in the waves of orgasm and the release of heat and there's nothing but white noise and the feeling of sweet, sweet release.

He's stuck in that moment of overwhelming sensation for what seems like an eternity, James still thrusting into him and Kendall doesn't know when he stops, just that he's suddenly aware of the body collapsed on top of his. Another beat of time, then Kendall sucks in a breath, too much, too fast, too deep- he coughs, and he's pushing weakly against James' chest, feeling nauseous as he comes down. James slowly pushes up onto his arms, apologizing, but none of it registers with Kendall, who's biggest concern at the moment is catching his breath. It takes a few tries for him to get it right, to let the air flow in and back out, to relax and let his body do what it's used to, diaphragm spasming as he hiccups a few times and coughs just as much.

James' voice is far away, a low hum in the background, and the panic in his expression doesn't seem to register. Kendall weakly pushes him away and turns on his side, lower body pinned in place by James' bulk. He's coughing so hard his throat starts to ache -it feels like he's swallowed razorblades- and then, like a switch has been flipped, sound starts to return.

"Kendall! Breathe! Come on, Kendall, breathe!" James is yelling, hands hovering over his friend, unsure and scared. He might be crying, but it could just be sweat on his face. Kendall's vision is too blurry for him to tell.

He pushes James away again, manages to gasp out something like "I'm fine - give me a minute", or it at least sounds similar enough to convey his need because James backs off a bit. In, in, in. Wait, no, out. In, in, out. In, out. In and out, in and out. That's it. Slow down. In and out.

Kendall finally manages to get his lungs working and he swallows dryly, relieved. Everything hurts.

Kendall sighs and let his eyes fall closed, his lips moving as he asks for water, but he's not sure if the word actually comes out. He feels James lean back, the sensation of sweaty skin peeling away barely even registering as he rolls onto his back. He whimpers when James pulls out, and grimaces because he can feel the mess inside of his body, but just for a moment, and then reality seems to snap away like a rubber band.

He loses a bit of time then, maybe he blacks out or maybe he's just lost in his head, but the next thing Kendall knows, James is pushing his hair off of his forehead and lifting his head to press a glass of water to his lips. Kendall drinks greedily, choking a bit when he tries to swallow too fast, but he won't let James take the cup away, so James stops trying and lets him gulp the glass down. He finishes it quickly and coughs some more as he falls back to the bed, but despite choking, the icy water feels good on his throat and his thirst is momentarily quenched. His head is pounding, a deep ache settling into his temples and taking over the rest of his body as well. The temperature of the room seems to fall rapidly as the haze slowly lifts, and the shift from too hot to normal is enough to make him sick. He shivers, feeling nauseous.

"Shit, Jamie." Kendall moans softly, voice low and rough, quiet like the rasp of James' callouses against his cheek. He leans into the touch, oversensitive but craving warmth. He has a feeling James is staring at him, not really sure what to do, but Kendall doesn't bother opening his eyes to check. He's exhausted.

There's another blackout, or whiteout, or just a moment where Kendall checks out, and then he feels a wet cloth touching his face. He shies away from the touch - it's soft, but it's also too much, too soon - but James holds him down and cleans him up, quick and efficient. If it weren't for the gentle words Kendall can't quite comprehend, James would be every bit his mother's son, "Just gotta get you clean. It's okay. I'm almost done."

James wipes him down carefully, makes a sound that's half-sympathy and half-horror when he spreads Kendall's legs again. Kendall whimpers pathetically, too weak to even cry out like he wants to when James starts to clean his hole, but the sound he does make must be absolutely pitiful because James only passes the towel over his skin once before moving down to clean off his thighs. Kendall has a feeling he won't sit comfortably for a month. He can feel James staring at him again, eyes lower, looking where they shouldn't be, and the small part of Kendall that's aware wants to retain some semblance of modesty and close his legs, but the rest is just too tired and too sore and too worn out to give a damn.

James finishes cleaning him off and straightens up, his spine popping a few times. He stands there for a moment, eyes drawn back to Kendall's opening. His hole is even redder than before and actually gaping, skin irritated and wet. James can see cum and lube slick along his entrance, and he's terrified that Kendall might actually be hurt. He can't believe he did that. Kendall might have forced himself on James, but James could have stopped him, could have been more careful, could have done something different. What sort of shitty friend takes advantage of someone like that? Yeah, Kendall asked, fucking begged actually, but he wasn't in his right mind and James should have said no. Instead, he gave in to his feelings and once Kendall comes back to himself, once he realizes what James did, he'll want nothing to do with him.

James looks away, overwhelmed with guilt. He tosses the towel in the hamper and approaches Kendall again, careful not to look below his waistline. He leans over, unsure if the blond is still awake, and reaches out to get his attention before thinking better of it.

"Kendall?" James asks softly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to move to the other bed?"

Kendall nods weakly. The sheets beneath him are stiff with sweat and cum and lube, "C'ry?"

James frowns, confused, "Um... I guess I can make you some curry if you want."

Kendall licks his lips and swallows to try and soothe his throat. It doesn't really help and his voice still sounds like shit, "Carry me?"

"Oh!" James says, "Yeah, sure. Let me just-"

Kendall can't help but gasp when James hooks an arm under his knees and another behind his back, lifting Kendall like he weighs nothing. His skin feels like it's been rubbed raw, and being moved strains his aching muscles so badly he almost cries out. He just manages to bite his tongue, holding onto James' arm tightly. Kendall's never felt weaker in his life. The fact that he's being carried across a room he should easily be able to cross on his own is mortifying enough, no way is he going to let James know how much he's hurting. He'll keep whatever dignity he has left, which admittedly, isn't much, but still.

He can't quite keep back the moan he makes when James sets him down on the other bed. He tries to reach out, to drag James down beside him, but his arms barely even twitch and he doesn't have the presence of mind to ask James to stay, if he even has a voice. He's pretty sure he used all of his energy up when he asked James to carry him.

James says something that Kendall doesn't catch and pulls the sheets up over his body. He doesn't like the feel of them touching him, no matter how soft they are, but he welcomes the warmth and snuggles down into them to the best of his ability, meaning he more or less just tilts his head a bit. Kendall's lips pull into a weak smile. The sheets smell like James.

He hears James moving around the room, the sound of his breathing soft and constant as he moves between the bedroom and bathroom, footsteps padding back and forth, drawers and cabinets carefully opening and closing, sheets being pulled off of the other bed. Kendall imagines them floating, air caught up underneath like a parachute, weightless. He sort of feels like he's floating too, riding the wave of relief, however short-lived it may be.

Despite the lingering ache of being ripped in half and the overall feeling of being dirty, Kendall finds himself drifting off, relaxed by the sounds around him and the gentle way James moves. When the sheets lift and a large body carefully slides in beside him, close but not quite touching, Kendall lets himself move closer and sinks into the warmth. He falls asleep with his head tucked under James' chin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Chapter Three**

Kendall wakes up slowly, a headache building behind his eyes. He groans, blinking awake, and shuts his eyes just moments later as vague flashes start to come back to him, "Fuck."

Kendall looks over at James, the older boy warm beside him, and feels guilt welling up alongside the arousal. James' shoulders and neck are covered in bite marks, bruises that perfectly match Kendall's teeth and hands. There are scratches on his arms, wrapping around and probably covering his back as well. They're thin, and none of them are bleeding - thank god! - but they're raised, red, and probably painful. Kendall gently traces his finger over a scratch on Jame's bicep, horrified. He doesn't remember putting a single one of those marks there.

Kendall drops his hand and sighs, sitting up as carefully as he can. He winces and shifts, trying to find a position that's more-or-less tolerable. He feels like he's been split in two, and he's pretty sure there's dried cum inside of him, and it's the grossest thing he's ever felt.

When the next wave hits, he won't care, but right now he does, and the shower is calling him like a beacon. He twists around to set his feet on the floor, grunting in pain. He hasn't quite figured out which ways he can move yet, but he has a feeling he'll be a pro by the end of the week. He's really not too sure how he feels about that.

Kendall takes a deep breath and braces himself against the pain he knows is about to come. He stands carefully, legs shaky and cramped, ass smarting like a mother, but he stands and that's what matters. He can do this. He can make it to the shower and clean himself up and then-

And then he can get dirty all over again. Jesus Christ his life sucks.

Another breath and he's about to take his first step when there's a hand curling around his hip. Kendall nearly falls over in fright, but James steadies him and is standing behind him in seconds. His breath tickles the back of Kendall's neck when he speaks, voice thick with sleep and unintentionally sultry, "Dude, I get that you can do anything, but you might want to rethink this."

Kendall rolls his eyes, but his annoyance is sort of unwarranted because he kind of agrees with James. He doesn't think he'd get more than a couple of feet.

"I take it you want to shower?" James asks, lips barely moving against Kendall's skin. Kendall can feel a break in the softness, like a scab forming. He wonders if he's responsible for that too, wonders how James can touch him, why he stayed.

James leans over Kendall's shoulder, trying to catch the shorter boy's eye, "Kendall? Do you want to shower?"

Kendall nods, guilt and arousal warring inside of him. He feels like he should push James away, that he should still the fingers curling around his hip and lock himself in the bathroom where he can't hurt anyone when the next wave crashes over him. He feels like they should talk, that he should apologize and tell James to run before he loses it again, but Kendall has a feeling that if he opens his mouth he'll just beg James to stay.

The hands leave his body for a moment, and Kendall has to force himself not to drag them back. He just wants to be touched.

Suddenly the hands are back, and Kendall barely even gets a second to enjoy the relief before he's being lifted up and turned around, cradled in James' arms like a bride. He thinks he might have squealed, but he'll deny that right along with any accusations that he was clinging to James' shoulders hard enough to add a new layer of bruises.

James sets him down a moment later, and Kendall tries to dig his fingers in between the tiles of the shower wall just to keep from shoving James down and curling around his body. His finger nails scratch the grout and he forces his eyes closed, tries not to think about how James is still naked and close enough to touch.

He hears James turning on the shower, testing the water impatiently. Then the hands reach out for him again and move Kendall under the warm spray. Kendall leans his head back, relishing the feeling of the water on his face. He hears James moving around behind him, the splash of feet and the pop of a shampoo bottle.

James reaches up and works his fingers through Kendall's hair, building up a lather. His fingernails gently scratch at Kendall's scalp, the blond leaning into the touch. James is strong and solid behind him, his chest flush against Kendall's back as his fingers sift through Kendall's hair, washing away sweat and stress. James tilt's Kendall's head forward under the spray, and Kendall watches the soapy water disappear down the drain. James continues combing his fingers through the wet locks, working the last bit of shampoo free. When he's satisfied, James slides his hands down the line of Kendall's neck, branching out to his shoulders. He stretches his hands wide over Kendall's body and digs his thumbs into stiff muscle.

Kendall hisses at the initial touch, but James continues kneading his back and neck, and Kendall feels the tension in his body begin to ease. The warm water feels good as it washes over his flushed skin, and the sensation of James' nimble fingers coaxing the knots from his back has Kendall sighing with relief. He lets himself relax, eyes sliding closed as James' hands make their way south, pressing along his spine and down towards his hips. Kendall's mind wanders for a bit, distant and vague, thoughts bouncing back and forth from nothing to nothing and back to nothing.

James' hand creeps up his thigh and a finger presses up into him tentatively. Kendall arches back into the touch encouragingly. He can't get hard, not until the cycle starts over, but he can't help the spike of arousal that cuts through his body. He's still so desperate, and-

"Oh, fuck." Kendall groans, slamming a hand against the wall when James crooks his finger, "Too much, too much. Stop."

The pressure disappears instantly and James quickly apologizes. Kendall whines, caught between wanting it back and the fear of painful overstimulation. He nods, head resting against the tiles. The water is still running, hitting the curve of his ass and the backs of his thighs, "It's fine. Just can't... It doesn't work like that. It's gotta cycle through."

James nods even though Kendall can't see him. He doesn't really trust his voice right now, mesmerized by the way Kendall's hair sticks to his neck and how the water rolls down his spine. James watches Kendall's shoulder blades shift and wants nothing more than to bite down on the bone, hold it in his teeth while he takes Kendall hard against the shower wall. He's fantasized about it before, yanking the curtain aside and stifling Kendall's questions with his mouth, shoving his tongue down the blond's throat until he stops fighting and starts kissing back, submitting to James.

It's incredibly disappointing that he's finally in the same shower as Kendall and he doesn't get to do anything. Sure, they'd just gone at it like animals a few hours ago, but that doesn't mean James doesn't wish they could have another go. His dick's already stiffening at the thought, and he wonders exactly how long it takes Kendall to "cycle through". He considers asking as much, but figures it would sound sort of pushy, so he keeps his mouth shut.

Kendall shifts and James looks back up, trying to see his face. His eyes are closed and water is beading on his eyelashes, sliding off of his nose in a constant stream. His lower lip is caught between his teeth, and James thinks about flipping Kendall around and kissing him. He looks away before the idea can become reality, tilting his head back until he can get a grip. His eyes see a flash of metal and James grins as an idea occurs to him.

The water pressure shifts and then it's suddenly gone, but Kendall can still hear the spray hitting the tiles around him. He opens his eyes to see one of James' enormous hands wrapped around the detachable shower head and chokes out a moan when James' other hand eases his legs apart, "Jesus."

"Easy." James shushes, laying a hand on Kendall left asscheek and pulling until his hole is exposed. Kendall leans his forehead against the wall in front of him and bites his lip, anticipating. He jumps at the first touch of water against his opening, back arching away and fingers curling against the tile. James' lips press against the base of Kendall's spine, and the taller boy murmurs something that Kendall doesn't catch.

The spray softens, a bit of mist alongside the main stream. It's nice, and Kendall thinks he tells James as much, fingers stretching back out again, palms pressed flat against the wall.

James' hand shifts, pulling him further open, and Kendall grimaces as he feels the slick inside of him being washed away. God, he should have sucked it up and let James clean him out earlier or waited long enough to let him put on a condom or fucking something. His insides feel absolutely disgusting.

Kendall blushes when he feels James scrubbing at his thighs, even though it's a little late for modesty. He has a feeling he won't have any shame to salvage by the time this heat is over.

Some time passes and then James is reaching around him to turn off the water, body pressing against Kendall's as he does. Kendall forces himself to remain still until James has pulled away, and once he's sure he can control himself, he pushes off of the wall. His skin feels tender but clean, and there's water in places he isn't used to it being, but it's much better than having cum inside of him, so he doesn't mind all that much.

James steps out of the shower to fetch them towels and Kendall nods, leaning back against the wall. He tilts his head back and lets himself enjoy the feeling of being clean.

James comes back to find Kendall in the same position. He looks oddly peaceful, his eyes closed, skin only slightly flushed now. Kendall blinks when he hears the shower curtain shift and takes a step toward James. He slips, nearly crashing into the opposite wall but James catches him, grunting on impact but holding them both up.

Kendall cringes as James helps him out of the shower, "Sorry. Just a little shaky."

He coughs, looking away, embarrassed. James takes the opportunity to catch the other boy by surprise. He brings the towel up and rubs it over Kendall's head, laughing when the blond's hair stays sticking up wildly. Kendall bats his hand away, and makes a grab for the towel, but James just holds it over his head, "You can't even stand right now, dude. How the hell are you going to dry yourself off?"

Kendall doesn't answer and James takes his silence as permission, however reluctant. Kendall's hair is still damp, curling at the nape of his neck, but James finds it ridiculously sexy, so he simply dries the rest of the blond's body instead. He tries not to linger even though he wants to, and forces himself not to stare. Kendall isn't his. The fact that they fucked doesn't change that.

James can't finish drying Kendall off fast enough. He's caught between running out of the room in tears and begging Kendall to love him. He has too much pride to do either, but his heart's leaning towards the latter. James forces himself to concentrate on drying himself off, and pretends he's only keeping Kendall in his peripheral just in case he's not as stable as he seems. When he's finished, James can't help but glance over at the blond.

Kendall has his arms braced on the counter behind him, head tilted back in exhaustion. James wants nothing more than to rip away the towel wrapped around Kendall's waist, crowd up against him, and drag his teeth across his band mate's throat. He licks his lips, fingers twitching.

"Dude, take a picture."

James jumps, startled, and then the words register. He snorts because it's unexpected, and things aren't weird even though they really, really should be, and his heart breaks a little bit because they're still the Kendall and James they were before this whole mess started.

They're back in the room again, lying on Kendall's bed. Both of them are still dripping a bit, and there are small spots of water across the new sheets. James can't bring himself to care, and Kendall barely even looks conscious beside him. His breathing, though soft and deep, is not as relaxed as when he sleeps. It's the only clue that he's merely dozing.

James smiles sadly and strokes his fingers through Kendall's hair. The shorter boy sighs, but doesn't stir. James stares down at him, trying to remind himself that Kendall doesn't belong to him. He finally nods off under the weight of disappointment, hands slowing to a stop.

When James wakes up a little over an hour later, Kendall is kissing him. It takes James a moment to realize what's happening, but the second it registers, his eyes are blinking open. He jerks his head away in surprise, cursing.

"Jesus, Kendall. Already?" He gapes, hands fluttering over the shorter boy's shoulders.

"Uh-huh." Kendall moans, nodding as he crawls into James' lap and mouths at his bandmate's lower lip.

"Fuck." James says, a soft breath of amazement, "I thought it had to cycle through."

Kendall shrugs. He's pressed so close that James feels it more than anything else, "Does. Don't know what's happening. Don't care. Want you in me now."

James squeezes his eyes shut as Kendall places James' hands on his own hips and holds them there, "Come on. Fuck me."

James shakes his head, clinging to clarity. He thinks maybe... There's a reason he should say no. Something's off. He pulls away from the kiss, head tilted back, "Can you even...?" James trails off, unsure how to word his question.

Kendall leans up and keeps kissing him, moving towards the corner of his lip and down to his chin, along his jaw. The hunger is building and he's only just getting started. James gasps when Kendall tongues a bruise, and the pain seems to jumpstart his brain, "You were already so..." James stops again, because there are a lot of words he could say here - used, raw, fucked - but he doesn't really feel right saying any of them, especially not about Kendall, so he just doesn't and hopes the blond will understand what he means.

Kendall moans, nodding again as he licks beneath James' ear, straddling James' thighs, "Find out. Need it. Never been this bad."

He grinds his ass down against James as if to prove his point, but James already believes him. If Kendall had ever been this desperate back home, somebody would have noticed.

"Come on, James. Anything you want, I'll do it. You want me to ride you? I'll ride you so good, take it all, beg if you want. You want me to beg, James? I'll beg, I'll do anything, just fuck me." Kendall purrs, rocking back against James' awakening dick, "Please, James, I want- need your cock. So big, feels so good in my ass. Take it all, everything you got."

James reaches back and hesitantly fingers Kendall's entrance. He's still stretched out from earlier and damp from the shower. It's not quite as slick as with lube, but James' finger slides in easily enough. Kendall makes a hurt noise and James freezes, "Kendall?"

The blond doesn't answer so James starts to pull his hand back. Kendall's fingers wrap tightly around his wrist, keeping him in place, "Don't. Don't you dare fucking stop until you're hard. Ram your fucking cock in right after. Not gonna be empty again. Fucking do it, James. Fucking give me another."

James hesitates. He can feel Kendall clenching down around him, but it's only a light pressure, like he can't quite close up, "Kendall, I don't think-"

"Come on, James! More, I want more. I can take it, fuck. Fucking make me take it! Fuck your bitch!" Kendall demands, his voice a low growl and all but gone from before. It's different then last time. He's more desperate, more afraid, and trying to hide how much worse he really is with feigned authority. He doesn't know if he can take it. In all honestly, he doesn't think he can, but he's just so... so empty, and he needs James to do... something. One finger just isn't enough.

"Kendall," James say softly, pushing him away and Kendall cries out, desperately clawing his way back into James' lap. James shoves him off again, harder, and this time he follows, body pressed tightly to Kendall's as he pins him to the bed, "Kendall, you need to calm down and tell me what the hell is going on."

Kendall whines softly, trying to break free from James' grasp. James tightens his hold, trying to get him to focus, "Is it normally like this? Kendall, look at me!"

Kendall does, chest heaving. James waits for his eyes to focus before asking him again, "Is it normally this bad?"

Kendall blinks, trying to remember, and then he shakes his head, "No. No, I don't- I don't know. Don't remember. Don't think so. God, James, please! It's so hot. Why is it so hot?"

Kendall closes his eyes, and when he opens them there are tears dripping from the corners and he's shaking, the illusion shattered. He sort of hates James for that, for crashing through and fucking everything up; for making him break, for making him admit it, for making him wonder. He drops his head forward, pressing his forehead to James shoulder to hide his face as he chokes out a sob, "Fuck, James, I'm scared. So empty. I can't- What's happening to me?"

"Hey, it's okay." James says, letting go of one of Kendall's wrists to stroke his hair, "You're okay, alright?"

"It didn't work. It's not going away. Why won't it go away?" Kendall asks, looking up at James.

"Kendall, maybe we should tell some-" James starts to say, but Kendall is already shaking his head frantically.

"No! No, nobody can know! You're not even supposed to know!" Kendall says, and James tries not to be hurt by that. If their roles were switched, he wouldn't want anyone knowing either. Still, there's a point when safety has to become priority, and James thinks they've almost reached it if they haven't already passed it.

"I'm serious, Kendall. Something is really wrong with you, and I don't know what to do." James confesses. He pauses, then, "What about Logan?"

Kendall scoffs at that, shaking his head again, "No! We're not telling anyone, especially not Logan!"

"Kendall, you're sick! We have to tell somebody and Logan's the closest thing we have to a doctor. Come on, man. We're in over our heads here."

Kendall bites his lip, eyes to the side, debating. A drop of sweat rolls down into the hollow of his throat. It continues it's journey when he swallows, sliding down Kendall's chest and James watches it, mesmerized.

"Okay." Kendall says quietly, and James pulls his eyes back up to his face. Kendall is staring at the wall, tense, but trembling.

James nods, and grabs his phone off the nightstand, stroking Kendall's stomach as he punches in Logan's number. Kendall slowly starts to relax into the touch. James watches his eyes droop closed. He's exhausted but his hips are still moving, rolling up into the empty space between their bodies like he can't help it. It's incredibly erotic and James wants to drag his hand down and wrap his fingers around Kendall's red shaft, stroke him slowly and thumb the head, bring him off so gently. He licks his lips.

"What's up?" Logan asks, his voice startling James from his fantasy. He almost drops the phone.

"Oh, uh, hey. Logan. It's- It's James. Are you- Can you come back to the room for a bit? Probably longer than that? Alone?" James asks, stumbling over the words. He hadn't really considered the part about actually telling Logan what was going on. In hindsight, he sort of wishes Kendall hadn't let him call.

There's a pause, Logan's voice, slightly muffled, another pause, and then he's back on the line, "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's..." James trails off, eyes sliding over to Kendall, who is panting slightly as he drags James' hand over his chest, towards his nipple. James' mouth goes dry.

"James?" Logan prompts, and James snaps his gaze away again.

"Just- hurry, okay? And come alone! Don't let anyone else in the apartment." James ends the call before Logan can ask any more questions and he turns back to Kendall, dropping the phone to the floor.

Kendall is looking up at him through lidded eyes, his mouth wide open. He has both hands wrapped around James' left wrist, fingers squeezing, holding him there. James drapes himself across Kendall's body again, letting the heat pass to his own skin. Kendall whimpers gratefully and buries his head in James' neck, still clutching his arm like a lifeline.

James hooks their ankles together and pets Kendall's hair, "He's on his way up. You're gonna be okay, Kendall."

"Is everything alright?" Camille asks when Logan comes back over, slipping his phone into his pocket.

"I... don't really know. Look, I gotta go. I think Kendall's getting worse." He says apologetically.

Camille sits up a bit, "Do you want me to come with?"

"No!" Logan says a little too suddenly and Camille gives him an odd look. He rushes to explain, "No, I wouldn't want you catching anything and Kendall's- he likes to be alone when he's sick. I'm sure he's fine. James is probably just overreacting. I mean, it is James. Anyway, I'm just gonna-"

Logan doesn't bother finishing the sentence before taking a quick turn on his heel and heading back towards the apartment at a brisk walk.

"James?" Logan calls out as he enters 2J, closing the door behind him. He flicks the lock as an after thought, something about James' call making him wary.

"In here!" James yells back. His voice sounds strained and Logan quickly makes his way towards his and Kendall's shared room. The door is closed, which is weird, but he doesn't really consider it, barging in.

Logan freezes, hand stuck on the door knob and feet stuck to the floor, stunned.

He can't see much more than James' back - his naked back, ass included - but there's a mop of blond hair just peeking over his shoulder and two pairs of feet and that is definitely Kendall's hand clutching onto James' arm.

James lifts his head, and looks over his shoulder at Logan. His eyes are wide and panicked, but his face relaxes in relief when he realizes it's Logan. He turns back around, voice soft, "It's okay. He's here. Logan's here. He can fix this. You're okay, Kendall. You're gonna be okay."

Logan steps forward hesitantly, still beyond weirded out as he closes the door, "James... what...?" Logan shakes his head. He doesn't even have a starting point here. Two of his best friends are naked and tangled up together on a bed in a room that smells like sweat and boy and - Logan sniffs the air - yep, sex, but this is clearly not as simple as it looks because James called Logan for a reason and Kendall hasn't said a word. If it weren't for the very distinct feeling that something is horribly, horribly wrong, he would have bolted the second he opened the door, but something is off, and Logan feels unease slowly filling his gut.

James starts to get up but Kendall's hand tightens visibly, hard enough that James grunts, and there's a high, whining sound coming from the blond that has Logan crossing the room quickly. He stands beside the bed, forcing himself to ignore James' nakedness as he asks what's wrong, gaze flicking over Kendall's face, searching for clues. His eyes are clenched tight and his cheeks are red, the vein in his forehead just slightly visible.

"He's in heat." James explains to Logan, voice a little shaky. Kendall is grinding up against him and it's too much, too soon. His dick feels raw. James can't imagine what it must be like for the blond.

Logan scoffs, a little disgusted and a lot annoyed, "Seriously? James, that's impossible!"

James makes a face, lifting his hips just enough to reveal Kendall's leaking hardness and ignoring the way Kendall tries to pull him back down. He nods towards it, "No, that's impossible. No way he should still be able to get it up."

Logan rolls his eyes, not bothering to look at Kendall's erection because what the fuck, and stepping away from the bed, "The average recovery time for a teenage boy-"

"You and Carlos have been out since 10. We haven't left this room. It's 5 o'clock. You do the math and tell me that's normal." James growls. He doesn't mean to snap but he's terrified and exhausted and Logan is acting like this is nothing. It's not nothing. Kendall is... sick or something. Whatever. Something is wrong. Really freaking wrong.

"James-" Logan starts again, annoyed, but before he can say another word, James grabs his wrist and yanks him over.

"Feel his skin." He orders, not giving Logan much choice in the matter as he brings the smart boy's hand down against Kendall's forehead. Logan's eyes widen comically, or it would be comical, but there's nothing funny about this situation at all.

Kendall moans loudly, awareness slipping away like Logan's touch has flipped a switch inside of him. He's fading, lost to the heat in seconds, legs shifting to pull James that much closer. He starts mumbling softly, eyes half-open, "Please. Please, Jamie, Logie, please. I need it. You gotta do something, you gotta, you gotta- "

"He's- " Logan starts to say, looking up at James.

James cuts him off, nodding impatiently, "Yeah. I'm aware."

James folds his arms over Kendall's body, his own dick caught between them, half-hard, but oversensitive and down for the count. James prides himself on his stamina, but not even he can keep up with Kendall right now, "He says it's worse this time, whatever that means. We were- well it was working, and now it's... not. I don't know why it's not working. He's burning up and I don't know what to do!"

He's panicking a bit now, but despite that being in his nature, James is pretty sure that now is an acceptable time to panic. It's even worse because Kendall isn't going to fix everything this time, and Logan doesn't seem to know what to do either, and James isn't used to making decisions, especially not when they count.

Kendall's fingers uncurl from James' arm and he reaches out for Logan, hand sliding up and around the back of his neck. He yanks the smart boy down and James just barely manages to lean back in time for Logan to fall on Kendall's chest. Logan's mouth opens and he makes a confused noise but then Kendall has his arms around the brunette and he's kissing him desperately.

James' jaw drops a little, and he's not sure he's ever seen anything quite as hot as this, but Kendall's hands are pulling at Logan's shirt and he's making these high, frustrated noises against Logan's lips, "Off. Need to touch."

Logan's eyes cut to the side and he's looking at James with an expression James can't really make out. It's embarrassed and apologetic and confused and panicked and maybe, just a little bit aroused. James is reaching out before he can stop himself and he pauses just before he touches Logan's shoulder, "Do you- Is this okay?"

Logan tilts his head to the side, lips breaking from Kendall's with a wet sound. Kendall continues sucking along his jaw, a scrape of teeth making Logan wince.

"Do I have a choice?" He asks, a touch of nervous laughter in his voice as Kendall starts pulling his shirt up. James stutters, because he doesn't really know how to answer that, but Logan gasps when Kendall bites him and he cuts James off before the taller boy can even ask if he's okay, "Yeah. Whatever Kendall needs. Oh God."

He grabs Kendall's head and pulls him closer, holding the blond's mouth against his neck, "Has he been like this all day?" His voice is breathy and shaking, and it takes James a moment to answer.

"Yeah. I mean, he slept for a few hours. But then-" He gestures unnecessarily at Kendall, who has one of Logan's arms free of his shirt and is clawing at the smooth expanse of the shortest boy's back. Logan grunts and tries to arch away from the press of nails into his skin, but Kendall doesn't let up.

James slides off the bed with vague intentions. He barely takes a step and Kendall is already hauling Logan up onto the mattress, using the brunette's moment of surprise to yank his shirt off. When Logan's head is revealed, his hair is sticking up every which way and there's a wildness in his eyes that James doesn't quite recognize.

He doesn't get to see it long because Logan is being yanked down again. He squeaks in surprise, barely catching himself. Kendall crushes their lips back together and his toes are curling around Logan's socks, trying to slide them off. He's panting against Logan's mouth, "Fuck me. Fuck me. Someone fuck me. Please, James, Logie. Need it so bad. Come on!"

Logan gasps, because even though Kendall had said something similar just moments before, it finally sinks in just what's going on. Kendall is desperate. Absolutely desperate. He'll do anything and beg for more and Logan doesn't really know what to do with that knowledge, but the concept of possibilities has him hard in seconds.

He reaches down to pop the button of his pants and jerks his hand back when he comes into contact with skin.

"Sorry." James say, drawing his arm back. He suddenly feels like an intruder in his own bedroom.

Logan stops him, "No, it's- it's okay." He carefully guides James' hand back to his pants and lets the taller boy open them. Logan isn't really sure why he's letting James strip him, or why he's even in this room, but Kendall's always talking about taking risks and once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and Logan figures if he's going to listen, he might as well do it for Kendall's sake.

He shudders as James slides his pants off, his briefs along for the ride and his socks coming too as James strips him in one go. Kendall's legs slide up and curl around his hips, the blond boy rocking against Logan mindlessly. Logan moans.

"Logan. Fuck, Logan. Yeah." Kendall says, forearms planted on the bed, back arched and head thrown back. His biceps spasm with every roll of his hips.

Logan looks down to see James pressing a condom into his hand. Logan doesn't question it and James is glad for that. It's a good idea, safety, even though James hadn't used one before, and it sure as hell makes clean up easier, but part of him just doesn't want to share Kendall. Logan's easy acceptance lets James relax a bit, and he thinks that maybe Logan doesn't want Kendall so much as he wants this Kendall, and James is more or less okay with that. Who wouldn't want this Kendall, who needs and begs and is so, so desperate? He makes you feel like a god.

Logan tears the foil open, grateful for those sex ed classes in junior high as he checks for tears and slides it over his length. A quick pump of his fist and Logan slips down Kendall's body, spreading his legs and laying between them. He glances up at James for help and James likes being the one with the answers again. He's new to Kendall's body, hasn't quite figured out where he likes to be touched (which is sort of impossible, because right now Kendall likes to be touched everywhere), but he knows enough for Logan, even knows what he's going to ask.

"Dude." He gives the smart boy a pointed look, "All. Day. He doesn't need any stretching. Condom's pre-lubed. Have at it."

He gestures at Kendall's body, eyes subtly tracing the flush rising to Logan's cheeks. Logan nods and takes a deep breath, pressing Kendall's legs up against his chest. He's never done this with a girl either, but at least there he knows the mechanics. He's sort of just hoping James will correct him first and laugh later if he does something stupid. But it can't be that different, right?

Logan takes his prick in hand and lines up, tip pressing against Kendall's entrance. Now that he's looking, Logan gets a better idea of what's been going on all day. Kendall is drenched in lube. Logan barely shifts and he's already sliding in.

Kendall's mouth falls open instantly and he moans, grabbing Logan's ass and yanking him forward, pulling him in. Logan grunts, letting Kendall take control and James groans behind him, but this time it's annoyed instead of turned on, "He's not gonna break, Loges. But if you don't hurry up, he might break you."

Kendall's teeth are bared and he's grunting, trying to get Logan inside of him. There's a ferocity in his eyes, and his fingers are digging into Logan's skin hard enough to bruise. Logan pushes forward to get away from the pain and winds up thrusting in rougher than he means to. He's about to apologize, but Kendall is already begging for more, body drawing him in the rest of the way.

Logan gasps as he bottoms out. He can feel Kendall's pulse around him, rabbit fast and so strong. Logan places a hand on Kendall's chest, just over his heart. He's fascinated, awed, because he's actually inside of Kendall.

Kendall's hand has fallen away from him and his fingers are curling in the sheets at his side. His legs are unfolding, wrapping around Logan and dragging him deep again, breathing hard, "God, Logie. Logan. Move."

Logan does, drawing back and sliding forward, firm but gentle, thrusting hard because he likes the way Kendall's eyelids flutter when he does. Kendall presses back into him, warm around his cock.

"F-faster." Kendall manages to bite out between clenched teeth, Logan's pace driving him crazy, "Fuck me good, like you mean it, Loges. Please. Wanna feel you."

Logan bites his cheek. Fucking hell. Kendall begging should not be so hot.

James seems to agree, if the groan he lets out is anything to go by, "Jesus."

Logan complies, because he's not gonna make Kendall suffer, and also because he kind of can't keep himself from going all out now. Kendall is warm and snug around him, just tight enough for Logan to feel his cock being gripped by his friend's body, and he's so slick inside that there's nothing keeping Logan from sliding in and out at will. He lets his pace increase, hips smacking against Kendall's thighs so hard he feels his skin sting. Kendall throws his head back and screams, "Fuck! Right there! Just like that! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!"

Logan does, nails biting into the skin of Kendall's hips as he slams their bodies together. He's nearly panting himself, and Kendall's chest is moving rapidly beneath him as he continues to cry out a mix of obscenities and pleas, "Give it to me! Fuck yeah, Logie, fuck my ass! Shit. I want, I want, I want-"

"What do you want?" Logan manages to ask between breaths.

Kendall lets go of the sheets and reaches down. He grabs Logan's hand and yanks it up to his neck, quickly wrapping the smart boy's fingers around his throat.

"Kendall-"

"Do it." Kendall says before Logan can tell him all the reasons he shouldn't. He forces Logan's fingers to squeeze and waits for him to start applying pressure on his own before letting go, hand dropping down again to fist in the sheets beneath him. Logan's thumb is just barely blocking his airway, shifting with each thrust. It's distracting, but distraction is what Kendall needs right now, and he swears he wasn't always this messed up, but he's making these choked-off sounds that he can't pretend aren't really moans.

James is sitting off to the side, slowly jacking off while he watches Logan pound into Kendall. He's just starting to get hard again and Kendall licks his lips, watching the way James' fingers twist on the upstroke.

Logan's grip tightens on his neck for a moment and the shortest boy curses quietly, sweat gathering along his lip. He's not as talkative as James, but James does enough talking for all of them. His voice fills the silence, rough with arousal, "Yeah, Logie. Choke him. Show him who's boss. Fucking make him take it."

Logan grunts, his other arm taking Kendall's hand and pulling it over his head.

"James." He says, nodding towards Kendall's other hand, and James reaches out, pulling that one up as well. Logan takes hold of both of Kendall's wrists, his grip more of a threat than a trap. Kendall moans anyway, wriggling just enough to get Logan's fingers to tighten against his pulse.

"Shit, that's hot." James growls, sitting back down to watch.

Kendall's eyes are half-lidded and lazy, pupils blown wide as he watches Logan's arm flex. He swallows hard just to see his smaller bandmate's tendons shift as he adjusts the pressure. His voice is soft and nearly non-existant, but he manages to gasp out Logan's name and a desperate plea for more. He doesn't know what he wants more of, but if anyone can figure that out, it'll be Logan.

Kendall is vaguely aware of James moving, his lithe body unfolding as he rises. He kneels up on the bed behind Logan and rests his chin on the shorter boy's shoulder. A soft moan breaks past his lips when he sees Kendall from the new angle, and he holds Kendall's gaze as he presses a kiss into the side of Logan's neck. Kendall and Logan both gasp when James' tongue flicks out to swirl over pale flesh, and a moment later his teeth come out to play. He nips his way up to Logan's ear and licks his cartilage.

"Never would have guessed he'd be such a little cockslut, huh?" James asks, his breath hot against Logan's ear, "You see all the scratches he gave me? So desperate, couldn't get it deep enough. Greedy bitch kept begging for more."

Kendall moans, not even trying to deny a word James says.

James licks his lips and smirks down at Kendall, still speaking into Logan's ear, "One cock wasn't enough. I fucked him until he blacked out and he still wanted more."

Logan moans this time too, and James presses himself tighter against the genius' back and pushes Logan's hand away from Kendall's wrists, replacing it with his own. Kendall squirms but James doesn't budge. The tallest boy guides Logan's now free hand into Kendall's hair, and tangles his fingers in the strands. "He likes it rough." He says as explanation.

Logan tugs at Kendall's hair experimentally, a whimper tearing from the blond's throat at the stimulation. Logan bites his lip and takes a heavy breath through his nose, "What else?"

"Well," James drawls, gently pulling Logan's hand away from Kendall's throat. Kendall makes a soft sound of protest but James ignores him, guiding Logan's hand up to the leader's lips, "He really likes to suck on things."

Kendall's mouth opens on a sigh and he leans up to take Logan's fingers in, tongue stroking over his knuckles eagerly. Logan gasps, thrusting forth with his hips and his hand, and Kendall's teeth lightly press down against his skin. James chuckles, "Careful. He bites."

James drags the knuckles of his right hand down the side of Kendall's face, turning his hand so he can feel Logan's fingers pressing against the inside of Kendall's cheek, "Jesus, Kendall. So sexy." He presses his hand down harder, imagines he's feeling a cock on the other side, "Gonna fuck your mouth later."

Kendall moans around Logan's fingers, nodding eagerly. He lets Logan's fingers slip from his mouth and clears his throat, but his voice is still rough when he speaks, "Why wait?"

James and Logan both groan at Kendall's words, and then James is pulling on Logan's shoulder, telling him to pull out. Logan grunts, still rocking into Kendall's body, but James insists, "Just for a sec. Put him on his knees."

Logan thrusts into Kendall again, hard and deep like he wants to be sure Kendall doesn't forget him and then he pulls out. Together, he and James flip Kendall over and tuck his legs up underneath him. Kendall's arms are still stretched out in front of him, boneless, and James helps Kendall up onto his elbows. Logan doesn't take long to re-enter Kendall, and he pushes back into the blond like he owns him. Judging by the sound Kendall makes, Logan sort of does.

James kneels in front of Kendall and places his dick against the shorter boy's lips. He hesitates a moment, and then grabs Kendall's face, digging his fingers into his jaw so he can't bite down. Kendall moans at the pressure and attempts to stretch his mouth wider, tongue stretching out like he's trying to lure James in. James hisses and slowly scoots forward. He keeps his grip firm. Kendall's jaw flexes under his fingers with each thrust Logan makes, but his mouth is warm and wet and almost as tight as his ass, so James' fears quickly fade into the background.

James moans loudly, tangling his fingers in Kendall's hair and guiding him onto his cock, "Oh God."

Kendall's lips slide over his length easily, warm and soft. James feels Kendall choke around him and forces his hands to loosen, let Kendall pull off if he needs to. He doesn't though, just pauses and closes his eyes. He moans as Logan fucks him, and starts going again, bobbing his head to match the rhythm of the thrusts into his body. He's swallowing James down with ease, shaft disappearing past his lips and James' hand actually slides from his face in awe, but he doesn't even realize it.

"Fuck, Logan, you seeing this?" James asks, watching Kendall bob his head on his dick. He's got about five inches stuffed in his mouth and it's the sexiest thing James has ever witnessed. Sure, he's had several heads in his lap, girls with sticky lips and boys with eager tongues, but nobody has ever taken him this deep before and it's sort of mind-boggling. He wonders if Kendall has done this before, or if it's just because he's Kendall and there isn't a thing he can't do.

"Seeing what?" Logan asks, leaning forward to look. His hips stutter when he sees what James is talking about and he curses quietly, "Oh fuck."

Kendall's lips are stretched around James' dick, pinkish white under the strain. His cheeks are hollowing out in random intervals and his throat is just going crazy as he bobs his head, taking more and more and-

"No way." Logan mumbles, slowing his pace until he's barely even moving as he watches Kendall take James even further. Kendall pauses, eyes closed tightly as he takes a deep breath through his nose, and then he swallows, neck stretching out and Logan seriously can't believe what he's witnessing.

"Holy shit, Kendall." James says softly, awed, as he feels his dick hit the back of Kendall's throat. He groans, eyes blinking rapidly in disbelief, wanting to close but he refuses to miss this, and Kendall is just holding himself there, breathing labored and loud. His eyes open slowly and then he's looking up at James, tears dripping down his face and lips just barely stretching around the immense girth and James absolutely fucking loses it.

He buries both of his hands in Kendall's hair and starts thrusting into his friend's open mouth, fucking his face like an animal. Kendall is making these noises, almost like he's gagging, but he's moaning too, and a change in pace signals that Logan is moving again as well, pushing Kendall forward with each press of his hips. They fuck into him, Kendall's body rocking between them as he chokes on James' dick and his ass clenches around Logan's. James can feel himself getting close and he tries to warn Kendall, but he's not sure if he actually gets the words out.

He's thrusting rapidly, grunting as his dick slips and jabs into Kendall's cheek, and then back down his throat. He's so close, so close, right there and just as he hits his peak, the heat of Kendall's mouth is gone. James comes hard, hands twisting in Kendall's hair and hips jerking as he tries to reclaim the wetness of Kendall's throat. He feels himself make contact with Kendall's face, but he's coming so hard and he can barely tell up from down, forget finding out where that wonderful mouth went. One of his hands drops down to fist his cock, the other still caught in Kendall's hair.

James' vision clears slowly, the sound of skin on skin still filling the room as Logan continues to piston his hips, lip caught between his teeth. He's close and James had hoped to watch him come, but right now his eyes are focused elsewhere.

Logan had pulled Kendall back at the last second, just when James was coming, and now the blond's face is drenched. There's cum thick in his hair and slick on his lips, pooling in the dimple of his chin and swiped across the curve of his cheek. There's a shot on his left eyebrow, dripping down onto his lashes, more on the side of his nose. His lips are painted with it, and James carefully scoots forward, offering himself. Kendall sticks his tongue out, holding his gaze while James milks his dick. Kendall groans as the taste of James' cum bursts across his tongue, and Logan's fingers dig into his hips as he finds himself dropping over the edge.

Kendall's mouth closes and he swallows carefully, savoring the taste of James, tongue licking the head clean. His body is rocking back onto Logan, helping the smaller boy off unconsciously. If James could, he'd be hard again at the sight. As it is, he just stares, mesmerized as Kendall's tears cut lines through the jizz on his face. Logan bites down on his shoulder, hips rocking as he rides his orgasm out, and Kendall grunts, his teeth sinking into his own lip. James feels a whine break from his mouth and he'd be embarrassed but Kendall's teeth scrape over his flesh and his lip pops free again, perfectly clean and rosy pink, tongue swiping out just to be sure.

Kendall's head starts to drop forward in exhaustion but James reaches out and grabs his chin, holding his face up. He can feel Kendall's breath on the heel of his hand as he desperately tries to recover. His mouth is open, and the rest of his face is still wet with cum and tears and sweat and he's absolutely striking.

"Logan." James says, voice airy and light. Kendall makes a broken sound as Logan pulls out of his body, eyes slipping closed. Logan pauses a moment until he thinks his legs can hold him, and then he stands, stripping off the condom as he comes around to sit beside James on the other end of the bed.

He practically collapses when he sees their leader in his current state. The normally well-spoken boy's jaw works as he searches for words, but all he manages is a breathless, "Whoa."

Kendall's eyes flutter open, the darkest green Logan has ever seen them, and it's breathtaking. James strokes his thumb across Kendall's chin, gathering some of his cum, and placing the tip against Kendall's lower lip. Kendall's tongue slides out to lick it clean, and both brunettes gasp as Kendall sucks James thumb into his mouth for a moment. Logan reaches out and drags his fingers through Kendall's damp hair, all the way down to the back of his neck. His fingers dance over the bump at the start of his spine and slide back around to the front. He scrapes his nails gently over Kendall's throat on the way up, carefully batting James' hand aside and replacing it with his own. James lets him and leans back against the headboard, a lazy smile on his face when he catches Kendall's eye.

James watches as Logan's fingers caress the clean parts of Kendall's face and stroke across the line of his jaw. Kendall's eyes slide away from James, close again in an exaggerated blink, and then he's looking up at Logan, waiting. Logan leans forward and licks some of James' cum off of Kendall's cheek, catching the room's other occupants by surprise.

"Fuck, Logie." James says quietly.

Logan smirks a bit, like he expected James to say as much, and then he's leaning in again, nudging Kendall's head to the side with his nose so he can reach more of his face. Kendall goes without a fuss, letting Logan lap up the slick on his skin, practically purring. He's still hard, but this is a new feeling, and it takes the edge off. Logan's tongue is warm and silky, gentle and cautious in a way James' won't ever be. Kendall feels the bed shift and opens his eyes to see the sweep of James' bangs just before another mouth is on his face.

James swirls his tongue over Kendall's temple, licking up into his hairline. Kendall groans, wanting to push into them both. James smirks against his skin and Logan licks a line from the corner of his lip to the tip of his eyebrow.

Kendall lets himself go limp; two sets of hands are there to support him and he's exhausted, so he lets whoever hold him up and closes his eyes while two mouths move across his skin. James is creative and impulsive, using his teeth and lips and tongue at random, moving as he pleases and returning to some spots again and again. Logan is careful and methodical, almost clinical as he works his way up Kendall's face and licks away every trace of James' cum. Kendall wonders if Logan wants every bit of James to himself, or if he wants to erase James' claim from his skin, or if there's no goal at all and he's just exploring new territory, trying to figure out what makes Kendall tick.

James nibbles at the tip of his nose and Logan licks across the divit on the side. They bump into each other at the bridge, and for a moment Kendall thinks they'll both just turn back around, but his eyes open when he hears their lips pressing together. Each of them has a hand on the other's cheek, and James' thumb is propping Kendall's chin up while Logan's other hand is wrapped around his neck. Kendall is so caught up in watching their tongues twist around each other that he doesn't even realize that they're moving closer until suddenly both of their faces are touching his. James nips at the edge of his mouth and Logan's tongue is sliding between both of them, slippery and inviting. Kendall opens his mouth, letting them in, his own tongue coming out to play.

They kiss for a moment, James tasting himself on both of them and finding it incredibly hot. He feels someone's tongue tickle along the back of his teeth and bites down lightly as a tease. Kendall moans and Logan's hand slides down to grip James' shoulder. James rises up onto his knees at the shortest boy's urging, and together they pull Kendall up with them, kissing continuously.

James lets go of Logan's face, his hand dropping down and disappearing between Kendall's legs. He slips one into the blond's gaping entrance, pulling just to feel the muscle flutter. Kendall gasps, breaking the kiss. He and Logan both look down to where James' hand is tucked between Kendall's thighs. Logan slowly pushes Kendalls back down onto the bed, wanting to see. Kendall goes willingly and James slips a second finger in alongside the first with ease.

He moves them just slightly, letting the weight of them rest inside of Kendall. It's cruel, to tease him right now, but James can't help himself when Kendall is so pliant beneath him.

"Another." The blond says, feet sliding across the bed as he spreads his legs wider. Lube dribbles out from his hole and over James' fingers. Logan swallows, eyes locked on the area where Kendall's being penetrated.

James looks over at him, expectantly, and it takes Logan a moment to realize that James is asking him to join in. Logan reaches out and rests his index finger along Kendall's rim, slowly pressing down and in and shuddering as Kendall keens.

Logan glances up at James only to find the taller boy staring at their hands, eyes focused and intense. "Give him one more." James rasps, his voice low and gravelly. Kendall's toes curl in response.

Logan hesitates, "Are you sure?"

The words leave his mouth just as Kendall moans, "Fuck yeah. Give me more."

James gives Kendall a slightly smug smile and Logan carefully slides another finger into Kendall's slick opening. The blond takes it with a roll of his hips, a little tight for a moment and then he opens up again.

The both start moving, slowly slipping their fingers up inside of Kendall and withdrawing again, exploring his heat. James twists his fingers experimentally, just to hear what sounds he can draw out of Kendall, and Logan moves right along with him. They build a rhythm, twisting simultaneously and pushing deep, stabbing Kendall's prostate with equal pressure.

"Like this." James says, slowly spreading his fingers. Logan copies him, the doubled stretch driving Kendall insane.

He writhes on the bed, cursing as they scissor him side by side, four fingers working him over, "Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh! Oh! Oh fuck! Fucking yeah! Ah! Oh God! J-ju-just like that. So close, so fucking close! Oh my Gooodd."

He's dry-sobbing, one hand running mindlessly over his chest, nails scratching into his pale skin. His other hand is clutching at the mattress beside his head in an attempt to gain leverage and push down on their fingers. He's having trouble breathing, lungs not quite able to work as quickly as he wants, but he can't slow down, can't stop. He's pushing his body to (and probably past) it's limits but he just needs.

"Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh God yes! Yes yes yes yes yes!" Kendall chants, looking down at where his friends are penetrating him. His cock is bobbing up and down with every twitch of his hips, thick and leaking. There's pre-cum smeared all across his abs.

James and Logan are both staring at him, eyes sharp and predatory. Logan appears almost enthralled, like he can't quite help but let his eyes burn into Kendall's skull. James looks like he wants to eat him alive. Kendall stares back at them, hands dropping drop to his sides and curling into fists. He's gulping down air like he's been underwater this whole time.

James reaches up with his free hand and swipes his finger through the cum on Kendall's stomach, holding his hand out to Logan. The shorter boy hesitates only for a second before sucking the tanned digit into his mouth. He hold Kendall's gaze as his tongue wraps around it, and James is leering down at Kendall, smirking as he says, "come" like it's an order and Kendall can't help but obey.

His orgasm shoots through him like lightning, making his toes curl and his muscles tense and his entire body feels like it's being wound tighter and tighter and tighter until it snaps and he's coming so hard he feels some of his own spunk land on his chin. He hears someone making this loud, feral noise, something between a shriek and a sob, and he's not so sure at the moment, but he distantly thinks it might be him.

And then he doesn't think at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Chapter Four**

Kendall wakes up just under an hour later. He's sore, which is to be expected, but the groan he makes has nothing to do with pain. He's hard and aching for more, skin already heating up. It's just short of painful, like he's sitting too close to a fire, the flames nearly licking his skin. He feels a sob building up in his throat, "No. Please no. Not yet. I can't."

He's caught between panic and the fever running through his body. It's too soon; the breaks have been getting shorter, yes, but they're not supposed to be this short. He shouldn't be ready yet, should still be sleeping it off, but his hand is already reaching down and he's spreading his legs. His breath catches as he slips a finger into his body, still loose and wet from before. He whimpers, clenching down. It hurts, that one finger, and he wonders if he might actually be hurt down there, but there's an itch, an emptiness that has him pushing it in and following up with another in seconds. He cries out at the first touch against his sweet spot, unaware of the person calling his name, concerned.

The door opens and someone gasps but Kendall doesn't have the sense to care right now, and he just keeps fucking down against his hand, trying to make it all stop. The door slams shut again, and Kendall thinks he can hear people talking on the other side, one panicked and the other confused. He doesn't care. He just wants to be fucked.

It's difficult, his muscles are all but useless right now, but Kendall manages to roll onto his stomach and slide his knees under him. The position lets him penetrate deeper and he moans loudly as the ache eases the slightest bit. He turns his head to the side, mouth hanging open and chest heaving. There isn't enough air and he can't quite catch his breath. It's like he's really on fire, smoke burning his throat and filling his lungs. He coughs weakly, groans miserably when his finger slips.

There's a scuffle outside and then the door is opening again, somebody yelling, "No! James, wait! Don't go in there! He's-"

"Kendall? Are you o- my God. Seriously?" The other voice says, but Kendall can't place it. He doesn't really care who it is. He just wants somebody to touch him. He's way past the point of being picky about who. He wonders if he's dying, thinks he probably is. His blood feels like it's boiling, literally bubbling under his skin.

Footsteps. Someone places a hand on his back and he arches up into it, knows he probably looks so needy right now, but he is needy and the touch feels incredible. It's like the heat is being pulled out of him, passing to the hand. He'd feel guilty but he's way passed the point of righteousness. He's reverted to instinct and need. He doesn't care who gets hurt, as long as it isn't him.

The person touching him curses and calls out for somebody. The words sound skewed, muffled and wavering. Another person enters the room, approaches the bed with a worried sound.

"Would somebody please tell me what the heck is going on?" A third voice asks, high enough that it's almost unfamiliar, but Kendall thinks he knows that one from somewhere too. Maybe...

The hand on his back starts to pull away and Kendall wails, a tear sliding down his cheek as the heat bursts back into full force, flaring out from his core in a small explosion. The hand quickly returns and he breathes a tiny sigh of relief, fingers still working inside of his body.

A door closes. Voices wash over him, not too far off but far enough that Kendall knows the owner of the hand is silent. He struggles to open his eyes, but they feel incredibly heavy, so he tries to ask instead, "Who...?"

"It's James." The person says, shifting, and then there are two hands on Kendall's back, drawing the fire away, "I know you said you didn't want anyone else to know, but Carlos heard you and he thought something was wrong and now he's kind of freaking out, so Logan's telling him. I'm sorry."

He sounds it, too, but Kendall doesn't really get why, can't remember what Carlos isn't supposed to know. He opens his mouth, voice little more than a dry croak, "Please."

"I-"

"Please." Kendall insists, because that one word sounded like a rejection and he can't take that right now. Not now. One of the hands pulls away, and Kendall keens in protest, weeping. A moment passes, but to Kendall it feels like a lifetime, the bed moving beneath him as James strips off his jeans and underwear. The other hand leaves and Kendall's vision wavers, spotting. He's begging, lost, the world around him engulfed in flames. His skin is melting, dripping off his fingertips like wax. His tears sizzle, turning to steam, disappear into the smoke. He might be screaming. Everything is red.

"Please." Kendall says again, because it's really all he can manage right now, the skin of his face burning away until his bones are visible, jaw blackening as the fire continues to spread. He thinks he can taste ashes, and then he can't, because his tongue is burning away too.

"Okay, okay." James soothes, tugging his shirt over his head and dropping it to the floor. He sits and pulls Kendall into his lap, grunting because he's lifting mostly dead weight and hissing because the younger boy's skin is literally almost too hot to handle. Kendall falls against him, head resting on a tan shoulder. The fire retreats and he's dying on the edge of reality.

James eases Kendall's fingers free and replaces them with his own before it can register to the blond that he's even empty. He can feel the youngest boy's tears on his shoulder and his heart clenches in sympathy, "Shh. You're okay. I gotcha, Ken. We're gonna take care of you, man."

He wraps his other arm around Kendall's back, pulling their bodies as close together as possible. Kendall shakes, weak hands coming up to loop around James' neck. He clings as tightly as he can under the conditions, which isn't very, but he's so scared James will leave him here and he can't take that. He doesn't think he can survive this alone, not this time. The past three years have nothing on right now, and even the fear he'd felt earlier today seems minuscule in comparison. The terror he's experiencing is crushing and he clings to James with a desperation he didn't know he was capable of, trying to bury himself in the other boy's embrace, to feel the coolness of his touch everywhere, "Please."

James looks up and locks eyes with Carlos, who's staring at him and Kendall in shock. Logan is already coming over, stripping off his shirt and grabbing the box of condoms off of the nightstand. His face is stern, but his eyes are scared. He's trying for Kendall's sake but he can't quite keep the panic from showing. He opens a condom, using the opportunity to avoid James' eyes. He just needs a moment, long enough to get a grip and lock the fear away. He has to keep it together. Kendall can't fix things this time.

James lifts Kendall's body enough for Logan to roll the condom on. The tallest boy eases his fingers out then, heart breaking at the wounded sound that Kendall makes, and he quickly presses his tip against the blond's entrance. James doesn't linger, just pulls Kendall's body down to meet him and listens to the choked hiccups the youngest is making near his ear, so soft that he doubts the others can hear a word, "Please don't leave. Please, please don't leave me, Jamie. Please stay. Don't leave me, God don't leave me, please!"

"I'm not going anywhere." James assures him, rocking his hips up so his dick hits Kendall's spot dead-on, forcing a strangled cry out of the blond, "Feel this? Feel me inside of you? I'm not gonna leave you. Not now, not ever. You're mine now."

He doesn't mean to sound so possessive, but the words come out like a growl anyway. He presses a kiss to Kendall's cheek to make up for it, hugging the shorter boy harder when he tastes salt.

"I'm right here. I'm not gonna leave you." He promises again. Kendall nods, arms tightening around James' neck, and he lets himself hang there. He doesn't have the energy to push back, and James seems to get that, thrusting up into him hard enough for two. A third hand comes up and wraps around the back of Kendall's neck, gripping firmly.

"We're not gonna leave you." Logan corrects. He looks back over his shoulder, up at Carlos who is still standing in the center of the room. The latino hesitates, fiddling with the strap of his helmet. He's never done this before, and he's more nervous than he's ever been, but if he understands right, Kendall is really sick and the only way to make him feel better is to touch him. It's weird, but he knows Logan wouldn't lie to him about this, and if it's to help Kendall...

Carlos takes a deep breath and taps his helmet twice, decision made. He's not going to let Kendall down, not after everything he's done for them. It's a small sacrifice in comparison. He can do this.

Carlos stalks over to the bed and sits on Kendall's other side, reaching for his friend without hesitation. He's shocked by how hot Kendall is to the touch, and even more so when Kendall throws his head back and howls like he's been branded. Carlos jerks his hand away and the sound jumps up in pitch once the contact is broken. Wide-eyed, Carlos quickly looks to Logan, all of his confidence vanishing, "What's happening? Is he okay? What do I do?"

"Touch him." Logan answers, sounding much more confident than he actually is. Carlos doesn't hesitate to do just that, practically slapping Kendall's back in his hurry to help. Kendall wails just as loudly as he had the first time that their skin made contact, but Carlos doesn't pull back this time and Kendall's cry slowly ebbs off into a desperate moan.

A moment passes. Kendall's ragged gasps and the sound of skin slapping skin are the only sounds in the room. James is surprisingly quiet, barely making a sound as he slams up into Kendall's body. Even his breathing is quiet. Logan looks up at him curiously and finds James with his face buried in Kendall's hair. He thinks he might see a slight tremble run across James' shoulders, and he has a feeling the tallest boy is just as scared as the rest of them. Logan flicks his eyes away. It's easier if they all act like they aren't.

Kendall rolls his head to look back at Carlos with tired eyes. His head is still resting on James' shoulder, forehead pressed against the brunette's neck and hair sticking to the sides of his face with sweat. His lips are bitten cherry red, his tear-filled eyes startlingly green in contrast. It seems to take an immense amount of effort for him to speak, and when he does it sounds as if James had to fuck the words right out of his body, "'Los."

Carlos moves closer, unsure and still a little uncomfortable. Kendall's sick, and he wants to help, and maybe seeing his friends like this is sort of a little bit hot, but that doesn't change the fact that they're dudes, as well as his best friends and they're literally doing it right in front of him. How is he the only one who isn't completely cool with this?

Kendall unhooks one of his arms from around James and reaches out, hand clumsily landing on Carlos' face and groping for some sort of hold. His fingers latch on to the chinstrap of Carlos' helmet and he tugs until the oldest boy comes forward. Kendall stretches his neck out, arm curling further around Carlos as the distance closes, still holding onto James with his other hand. He's leaning over so far that he's probably going to topple over at any moment, and Carlos moves a bit closer, gasping when Kendall brings their lips together in a sloppy kiss. Carlos' eyes dart around, over to Logan, to James, both of them watching carefully but calmly, and it's still really weird, but he lets his eyes close and kisses Kendall back.

Kendall moves sleepily, slower than usual, just a beat behind on everything, but there's an aggression in the kiss, a raw hunger that Carlos finds himself being drawn in by. It's awkward, their lips slipping away from each other as Kendall moves up and down in James' lap, and Kendall gasps every time it happens, like he can't breathe, and on top of all of that, the kiss tastes like tears. Truthfully, there isn't a single thing about this situation that could really be considered ideal, not even by Carlos' standards, and he's generally easy to please.

He can't argue that he doesn't enjoy the kiss though, even if Kendall's jaw is strong and sharp under his hand, and his skin is burning and covered in sweat. He's responsive and eager, the perfect sort of kissing partner, and on top of that he's actually pretty good. Not that Carlos has much to compare to, but if he did, he thinks Kendall would probably still be in the top ten.

Logan slips under James' arm and drapes himself across Kendall's back. The heat flares up for a moment, and Logan winces, body trying to arch away, but James' arm holds him in place, and after a moment the fire dies down to a tolerable warmth. Logan peers over Kendall's shoulder, watching as the blond takes control of the kiss. He's growing bolder, dragging Carlos into him and shoving his hand down the back of his shirt. Carlos makes a startled sound and Logan quickly intervenes.

He pulls Kendall back, tilting his head. A quick glance at James and then the tallest boy is on the same page, dragging Kendall into another kiss. Kendall's arm slips from Carlos' shoulder, and he's grabbing on to James instead. Logan scratches his nails over Kendall's throat and down his chest, further distracting him.

"Take off your clothes." He says, and Carlos balks.

Logan doesn't wait for him to do as asked, mouthing along the back of Kendall's neck. He hears James grunt and wonders if it's a reaction to Kendall's nails or his teeth. The blond is quickly going into a frenzy, desperate and needy. Logan distantly wonders about the delayed release of adrenaline and what triggered it. Kendall's condition is unlike anything he's ever read about, at least in humans.

Carlos watches the three, a little bit fearful as Kendall starts to claw at James' back. There's an intensity in the room that wasn't there before, and the weak person he'd been kissing just moments ago is now biting James' lips bloody. James flinches but doesn't pull back, scraping a line down Kendall's ribs with his own fingers in retaliation. Kendall shudders, letting James take back control of the kiss, but not before he gets one last bite in.

Carlos stands cautiously and tosses his helmet onto the other bed. It might be a bad choice, but he thinks James will be able to keep Kendall under control, and Carlos really doesn't want to get anything on his helmet. He peels off his shirt, and undoes his pants, kicking his clothes across the floor. Logan holds out a hand, beckoning him and Carlos accepts it, reluctance fading.

Logan pulls him over and guides Carlos' hand down Kendall's back. The latino gasps when Logan drags his finger along the line of Kendall's ass, further down to where he's warm and wet and James is splitting him open. Kendall shudders, moaning at the touch, and he roll his hips back into it.

Logan scoots back, and Carlos catches sight of his dick, stares until Logan grabs his hand again and directs his sight back up to his face. Carlos' jaw drops in shock as Logan sucks his finger into his mouth. The smart boy flicks his eyes up at Carlos and they stare at each other. Logan's eyes are smoldering, the flecks of gold in his irises glowing like embers. It's entrancing, and it takes a moment for Carlos to realize that Logan is bringing his hand down again. He jerks his head back down to watch. His eyebrows furrow in confusion as Logan holds his finger up against Kendall again, and then they rise in surprise because Logan is pushing it in.

Kendall shouts, whatever he says muffled against James' lips, and then he turns his head to the side, shuddering, trying to look behind him as he gasps, "Shit yeah. Do it."

James leans forward, looking down over Kendall's shoulder and his hips stutter, driving up into Kendall with enough force that he almost pushes Carlos' finger out, "Ah fuck...!"

Logan twists Carlos' hand, making Kendall whimper, and James watches with wide eyes and gritted teeth. "You think you can take it, Kendall? Think you can have two of us inside of you, filling you up so good?" He asks.

Carlos feels his cock twitch at the words, and he's suddenly aware of just how hard he is. He licks his lips, wiggling his finger in deeper. Logan lets go of his hand, giving him full control. Carlos sort of misses the feeling of his skin.

"Bet you can. Bet you'll love it, beg for more. Always begging for more. Little slut. Such a good little slut." James growls, nipping Kendall's chin. Kendall nods distractedly, hands clutching at James' arms like a lifeline.

"Yes." He says, "Oh god yes! Be your slut, take it like you want. Let you own me. Just put your fucking cock in me, fuck me like you mean it. I'm yours. Shit, I'm yours. Want it."

Carlos jabs his finger forward, biting back a moan of his own. He's never heard anything so dirty, and it's Kendall, their golden boy, whose voice is dancing between low and rough and high and broken. James grunts, lips curling in a sneer as he drags Kendall down onto his dick, "Yeah, you do."

Carlos jumps when a hand touches his arm. Logan's pale fingers curl around his wrist, increasing the pace of his thrusts into Kendall's body. His other hand is lower, uncurling a second finger to join the first. Carlos carefully pulls back, pressing them both in. Kendall yowls, sinking his teeth into the meat of James' shoulder and clinging tight, breathing strained. The muscles in his back are spasming, and Carlos wonders what his face looks like right now.

James' hand slides up Kendall's neck and curls into his hair. He pulls, urging the blond to let go. Kendall snarls in warning, biting down harder. James hisses and pushes Kendall's head forward instead, holding him in place. Kendall growls, pleased, tongue flicking out to brush James' skin as an apology.

"Fuck." James says, like a curse and a prayer all in one as Logan guides Carlos' fingers into a scissoring motion. Kendall whines in agreement. Carlos shudders at the sound, and Logan forces him to twist his fingers as he presses further. Kendall jerks his head to the side, pulling off of James so fast that his teeth scrape the tallest boy's skin. He shakes, yelling, "Oh God! Oh my fucking god! Fuck!"

Kendall pushes back, wanting more, wanting it deeper. He doesn't care that James is already so big inside of him, doesn't care that those two fingers hurt enough to make him cry again, doesn't care about anything but filling this space inside of him and chasing away the fire for good. It's still simmering inside, beaten back but not out, and it's that touch of fear that has Kendall begging, "Yes, yes. Come on. Come on, come on, come on!"

He's bouncing up and down on James' dick, Carlos following his movements carefully. James is fucking Kendall hard, slow and steady so he doesn't jar Carlos' fingers, but every thrust is hitting Kendall's prostate dead on, all of James' strength behind it, and Kendall's entire body shakes with each punch. It should be enough, should have him falling apart like before, tears of relief as the fire is beaten back, but it isn't, and he needs more, so much more. He'd probably be hyperventilating if he was aware enough to realize how far gone he is.

James can feel the ridges of Carlos' knuckles contrasting with the smooth walls of Kendall's body as he slides past. He moans at the sensation, so foreign, and rams his cock up into Kendall. The blond's head rocks with the force of the blow, tipping back until it rests on Logan's shoulder. The smart boy nuzzles the back of his neck in acknowledgement, "Just a sec, big guy. We don't want to hurt you."

Kendall bares his teeth, frustrated. He doesn't want to wait. Waiting is what hurts. "I'm ready."

"You're not." Logan insists without missing a beat.

"I can take it." Kendall argues, voice firm but he's willing to beg if that's what it'll take.

James seems to be reading his mind, because Kendall's barely even finished the thought and then the tallest boy is speaking, "Beg for it."

Kendall keens, frustrated and pissed off and so fucking needy. The heat is slipping back in, swirling in his chest tauntingly. He squeezes James' arms, "Please. Please, just fuck me. I'm ready, I need it. I want- I want you in me."

"Who?" James prompts, grinning. Kendall's head is still tipped back so he can't see James' smirk. He can hear it in his voice, but he's past the point of caring.

"Anyone." He swallows roughly, "All of you. Just please, please fuck me!"

"Cock slut." James teases, and Kendall agrees without hesitation.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm your slut. Your cock slut. Gonna fuck me? Shove your dick inside me, make me cum? Want you to. Want you in me, stuffing me full. Please. Shit, please!"

Logan grabs another condom and rips it open, rolling it onto Carlos before the latino can even realize what he's doing. Logan strokes him quickly and Carlos moans, bucking up into the touch. He pulls his fingers free at Logan's command, and James scoots back so there's room behind Kendall.

Carlos rolls onto his knees, Logan right behind him, pressed close to his back. He reaches around and takes hold of Carlos again, who immediately places his hand on top. His fingers settle in the gaps between Logan's like they belong there. The genius is breathing hard in his ear.

The smart boy takes control, guiding Carlos forward until he's right up against Kendall's hole. Carlos reluctantly unwraps their fingers to free his hands. He spreads Kendall wide and pushes in, Logan holding his dick steady. James' cock is hot and heavy beside his, the tallest boy's breath catching as the body around him grows tighter and tighter.

Kendall mewls, nails raking down James' back hard enough to draw blood. His cries steadily grow louder as Carlos slides into him, like there isn't enough room for breath or sound, like Carlos and James are all Kendall can hold and everything else is bursting out of him. James hisses, from arousal or pain, it's hard to tell. His hands are on Kendall's hips, holding him in place and forcing him to endure. Kendall fights the hold, trying to push down, to take more. James doesn't budge, fingers curling tighter. There will be new bruises after this.

Logan lets go of Carlos when the space grows too small for his hand and he watches as Kendall is stretched wide, the last few inches forcing a scream from his throat. James kisses him quickly, swallowing down the sounds. He braces himself, expecting a bite, but Kendall's mouth remains open and he continues howling until Carlos bottoms out. All four boys gasp then, and Kendall's shout dies off into a muffled sob. He's shaking from a mix of pain and relief, the sane part of him wanting to back out and the heat demanding more. Logan leans forward to kiss his shoulder, but Carlos is in the way, so he settles for petting Kendall's hair soothingly, "Hey, you're okay. You can do this."

Kendall nods, struggling to catch his breath. Every little movement sends sparks of pain up his spine.

"Wow." Carlos manages, the first word he's spoken in ages. His voice is husky.

"What's he feel like?" Logan asks, resting his chin on Carlos' shoulder.

"Tight." Carlos says, "Really, really tight. And hot. Like being inside of a heater."

James loosens his hold on Kendall's hips briefly, and the blond rocks down on instinct, body sliding snugly onto the lengths inside of him. He cries out, clenching down, "Ah-ah! Fuck! FUCK!"

Carlos moans, "Oh God, Logie. You should feel him right now."

Kendall shudders, struggling to get a grip on himself. His hips are moving in tiny little circles and he can't stop, can't seem to give his body time to adjust. It hurts, having them both inside of him, but he can't help himself. He's crying again, more from pain than fear though the latter is still strong enough to bring him to tears on it's own. He wants them deeper, wants them to drive the heat out and fill the hole inside of him so it can't return ever again.

Kendall's hands twitch, squeezing James' shoulders convulsively. Carlos is running his hands down his sides, gently stroking his ribs and placing kisses across the span of his shoulders. James has tightened his grip again, holding firmly to Kendall's hips. His thumbs rub small circles on Kendall's hip bones. Both of them are fighting to stay still.

Logan scoots around Carlos and nibbles the edge of Kendall's ear, close enough that his hard dick leaves a wet trail along Kendall's side. Carlos' fingers pass through it, spreading Logan's cum up Kendall's body. Logan moans, dragging his hand down the blond's chest. Red lines slowly bloom across his skin. Kendall arches his back to get closer, hissing when the movement draws his attention back to the two cocks inside of him. He quickly returns to his original position and waits for the sting to fade. He never expected to be so full, didn't actually know it was possible.

He can feel Carlos' heart beating against his back, the bite of Logan's fingernails over his pecs. James' breath is warm against his lips, but his forehead is cool where it rests against Kendall's.

James' eyes are open. He's hyper-aware, completely in tune with the boy in his lap. He watches the way Kendall's face moves, tracking every little movement, drinking in the details. Even with his cheeks wet and his skin flushed, hair plastered to his face with sweat and curling around his ears, Kendall is still the most beautiful person James has ever seen.

His eyes are clenched tight against the pain, nostrils flaring. One side of his mouth twitches up in a small sneer. His lips are bright red and slightly chapped, swollen and shiny from all the kissing. His tongue swipes over them distractedly, and James can't help himself. He tips his head forward and kisses Kendall.

It's different from all the other kisses, full of love and passion and everything James is too scared to say. One of his hands comes up, fingers curling in the short strands of hair at Kendall's nape. He uses the hold to press their lips closer together, as if he can leave a big enough impression to cut through the haze. It doesn't matter though. Kendall won't remember a thing when this is over; this kiss will be lost in all the other touches.

James will replay it in his mind until the day he dies.

He tries not to think about that though, sliding his tongue across Kendall's teeth, lingering at his canines to tongue the points. James presses his tongue against the edge of one and feels a tiny thrill run through him. Like playing with fire. Both teeth are definitely sharp enough to break skin. James wonders if he's bleeding anywhere that Kendall bit him, thinks he probably is.

Kendall kisses back, making soft sounds against James' lips. His tongue flicks along the bottom of James', begging for attention. His jaw moves slowly, every muscle in his body contributing to the kiss. He's electric, responsive like no one James has ever kissed before. He wonders if it's just the heat or if Kendall normally reacts so strongly, like every touch means the world to him.

James pulls back, still close enough to see every pore, each tear smeared across Kendall's face. He gently thrusts up, watching his bandmate's reactions carefully. Kendall whimpers and clenches his teeth, but he doesn't protest. Still, James freezes, "Kendall?"

Kendall shakes his head and swallows hard enough for James to hear it, "M-move."

"Are you sure-"

"Move!" Kendall demands, eyes snapping open to glare at James. His pupils are dilated, the beautiful green of his eyes just a thin frame around the inky blackness. His voice cracks pathetically, and he's still flexing his hips in tiny little circles, trying to fill the space inside of him before the heat does. James hesitates, unsure, and Kendall tries to push himself down onto them, but James is holding him in place. He groans, "You have to- have to h-hurry! It's c-coming back! Please!"

James locks eyes with Carlos and slowly rolls his hips, setting the pace. They alternate, James pulling out as Carlos pushes in. Kendall whimpers, head falling forward gratefully. It still hurts, being so full, but he'll take that burn over the one in his chest. This pain is something he can survive.

Logan reaches a hand out and tips Kendall's chin up so he can see his face. His jaw is clenched, the muscles in his face twitching as he tries to relax. There's a war inside of him, instinct and survival at odds for the first time. The heat is still clouding his mind and he doesn't know which side to pick, his body trying to push them out and pull them in, clenching and spasming indecisively. Every part of him is pulled taut and Kendall wonders what will make him snap, if he'll survive it or be torn to pieces.

Logan softly strokes the backs of his knuckles down Kendall's cheek, watching the way the younger boy's thighs quiver. His skin is so pale against James' golden tan and Carlos' natural carmel. Logan places his hand on Kendall's leg. If not for the faint blush covering Kendall's body, they'd probably match.

"Relax." James says softly, "It's just us."

Kendall doesn't look up, but he presses a kiss against James' chest and nods stiffly in acknowledgement. Logan continues touching him, petting his hands over the marks he'd left earlier and trailing a finger along the curve of Kendall's ear, the veins in his arms and the edge of his knee, stretches to reach the bump of his ankle. He follows the path of Carlos' lips, stroking the tops of Kendall's shoulders and taking a detour up his neck, back down his spine and the curve of his waist, his hip bone. Up again, carefully pushing Kendall back against Carlos' chest and holding his hand firmly to Kendall's sternum, feeling his heartbeat.

It's slower, the tension in his body easing and Logan keeps one hand there, the other continuing to trace Kendall's body. He presses lightly against the dip of his clavicle, thinks he can see his own fingerprints on Kendall's throat when he tosses his head back.

Logan passes the marks on Kendall's neck guiltily. He doesn't know if he's imagining them or if they're really there, but he doesn't take the time to figure it out. Instead, he carefully turns Kendall's head towards him, not wanting to miss a second of watching the blond fall apart.

Kendall's eyes flutter open at the touch. They're clouded with lust. It takes a moment for him to focus on Logan's face.

He's beginning to open up, allowing the others to move faster and thrust deeper. They build a rhythm, cocks sliding against each other. It's surreal, being so close to another person that you can feel their heart beating in your own body. James wonders what it's like for Kendall, feeling two pulsing shafts inside of him, to have them splitting him open and filling him up.

Kendall's starting to moan, quick little 'ah's that grow louder with every press into his body. He struggles to hold Logan's gaze, to convey some need, some desire, but either Carlos or James does something with their hips that has Kendall throwing his head back again, so hard that his jaw swings closed and his teeth clack together. Logan clenches his own sympathetically, but Kendall doesn't even seem to feel the pain, pushing back for more. His eyes drift shut in an exaggerated blink and he gasps up at the ceiling, throat working rapidly, "Ahh! Ah. Ah. Oh! Oh. Oh yes. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh!"

James looks over at Logan, breathing labored despite his athleticism. Logan looks down to see his hips fucking up into Kendall with firm thrusts. The muscles of his arms are bulging, every part of his body working to satisfy Kendall, to hold him up and fuck him deeper, harder, to give him more and more and more. He and Carlos have set a brutal rhythm, not giving the youngest boy a break. If Logan didn't know how badly Kendall needed this, he'd probably consider it cruel.

"Switch with me." James says, and Logan jerks his head back up just in time to see the box of condoms being flung at his face. He catches them, just barely, and then the words register.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Chapter Five**

_"Switch with me." James says, and Logan jerks his head back up just in time to see the box of condoms being flung at his face. He catches them, just barely, and then the words register._

"Huh?" To be honest, he's a little bit terrified at the idea of Kendall touching him right now. As much as Logan wants to be inside of the other boy again, to be the one making him sound like that, he can also see the state of James' shoulders, neck, and chest. Judging by the marks Kendall left with his mouth, Logan has a feeling his nails are just as damaging, and James' back is probably ripped to shreds.

Kendall mewls, leaning forward to suck another bruise along James' collarbone. The taller boy winces and cups his hand at the back of Kendall's head, ready to pull him off if it gets to be too much.

"I don't want to come yet." James clarifies, grunting. Logan can't tell if it's a result of pain or effort. He looks at Kendall's profile warily. The blond is still latched onto James' chest, teeth flashing briefly.

Logan drags his eyes back up to James' face, eyebrows raised.

"Carlos will hold his hands." James offers. Logan looks over to Carlos, who wasn't expecting to do anything of the sort, but he's clearly willing, already sliding his hands towards Kendall's wrists. James reaches up and pries Kendall's fingers from his body, and helps Carlos pulls his arms behind his back. Kendall struggles for a moment, like he can't help it. Carlos leans forward and bites the back of his neck, clamping down until the blond forces himself to relax. Carlos lets go and places a soft kiss to the reddened area.

Watching Kendall strain against the hold and submit to Carlos' teeth has Logan hastily putting the condom on. James is carefully shifting Kendall onto Carlos' lap, the blond moaning loudly as the angle changes. One of his moans drops off into a miserable whine when James starts to pull out. James kisses him to silence it, beckoning Logan over.

Logan moves closer and watches as James withdraws, stares as Kendall's body clings to him, not wanting him to leave, the way his hole gapes once James is gone, trying to close up around Carlos but looking so hungry for more. Logan chokes back a moan of his own and practically shoves James aside in his haste.

Carlos is still pounding up into Kendall with vicious thrusts, lip caught between his teeth. His biceps flex as he holds Kendall's arms, using them for leverage to put more force behind each thrust. He slows once Logan is in front of Kendall, much to the blond's displeasure. Logan lines up and eases in.

He gasps as he settles, Kendall clenching around him momentarily like he's afraid Logan will disappear, "Oh fuck, Kendall!"

Carlos makes a sound of agreement and Kendall wiggles on top of them fervently, "Don't stop. Please don't stop."

The sound of Kendall's pleading makes Logan snap back into action, and he makes the first thrust, not bothering to be gentle. Kendall writhes as he tries to escape from Carlos' hold, but the latino doesn't let go. They quickly return to the pace set by Carlos and James earlier, Kendall trying to break free and touch. He doesn't even care who, he just wants skin; wants to feel, to taste, to bite and tug and hold on for dear life. Carlos shifts his hands higher, binding Kendall just below the elbow. The hold forces Kendall's shoulders to pull back, his clavicles sticking out dramatically, sweat filling the dip.

Logan stares, licking his lips. He wants to taste.

Logan reaches up to put a hand on Kendall's neck, fingers wrapping around loosely. He adds just enough pressure to hold the blond back before leaning in and licking the hollow along the bone.

Kendall pushes his chest forward eagerly, Logan's fingers digging into the soft flesh of his throat in response. He struggles to take a deep enough breath to speak, and his voice is strained and raspy when he does, "Fuck yeah. Bite me, Logie. Fucking do it, fucking mark your bitch."

Logan squeezes Kendall's neck, teeth sinking into flesh as he hums with arousal. Kendall hisses. Logan can feel his adam's apple moving beneath his palm and he loosens his grip once he realizes what he's doing. Kendall makes a frustrated sound, pressing forward against Logan's hand, wanting the pressure back, wanting to be taken hard and controlled.

Kendall may want it, but seeing his fingerprints ringing his friend's throat is enough to make Logan shudder. He silently vows to never again allow himself to get so caught up in the moment that he'll risk seriously hurting Kendall.

Refusing to give in to the blond, Logan chooses instead to push up harder on his next thrust. Kendall gasps, fucking down to meet him, letting Logan's hand rest gently against his throat, all thoughts of being choked gone from his mind. Carlos pushes up just a beat after Logan, like an echo, and Kendall howls, his entire body tingling.

Carlos and Logan draw back together, syncing up to a new rhythm, moaning and grunting at the white-hot pressure of Kendall's body. The blond is shaking and clenching as they work together to pull him down onto their dicks, Carlos' hands holding his arms and Logan's sliding down to grip his hips. They're both so deep, brushing Kendall's prostate as one. He's so incredibly full, his vision swirling as his eyes roll back in bliss, and he's making these ridiculously high-pitched gasps, struggling to breathe through it all. Each sound barely dies off before he's moaning again. How he's even managing to breathe is beyond the others.

Logan pulls his mouth away from Kendall's chest, licking his lips as he admires the mark he's left. It's already darkening to a deep rose color, purpling in the middle. James growls in approval from off to the side. Logan looks over, having nearly forgotten he was even there.

James is leaning against the wall, his legs sprawled out in front of him so his ankles hang off the bed. He's stripped the condom off and is now stroking himself agonizingly slow in an effort to delay his orgasm, thumbing the head of his cock every so often like he can't help himself. His eyes are heavy-lidded, locked on to the mark on Kendall's chest. He bites his lip and rolls it between his teeth, teasing the already tender flesh. Logan thinks about dragging him over and kissing him, but he turns back around at the sound of Kendall's voice.

"'los." The blond says on an exhale, twisting around as far as he can to lock eyes with the latino.

"Carlos." He says again, louder, sticking his chin out like a cat asking to be scratched. Carlos leans up and kisses him, nipping Kendall's bottom lip briefly before letting the blond's tongue slip into his mouth. Kendall turns his head even further, licking the inside of Carlos' mouth like he's searching for something. He hums quietly, movements languid and unhurried, but there's an underlying need in the kiss, Kendall's fire simmering just below the surface. Carlos can feel his hands flexing, fingers looking for something to hold, trying to touch. He tightens his grip and Kendall moans weakly, breaking the kiss but not turning back around.

His breath is harsh against Carlos' mouth, shaky and unstable like the rest of him, "Please."

He wiggles his arms for clarification. Carlos glances over at Logan. The smart boy is watching him closely, a touch of nerves in his smile. It's enough to make Carlos hesitate, and then he slides his hands back down to Kendall's wrists as an idea occurs to him. Keeping his grip tight, Carlos tugs Kendall's arms to the front and crosses them over the blond boy's chest. It's difficult from their new position, but Kendall manages to turn his head enough to kiss Carlos again. He squeezes the shorter boy's hand gratefully, using his touch and his tongue to say what he can't manage. Carlos intertwines their fingers in response and Kendall sighs into the kiss, melting back against Carlos' chest with his head tilted up to maintain contact. It can't be comfortable, but Kendall is kissing him like he doesn't need to breathe, so Carlos opens his mouth wider, going with it.

They continue kissing, Carlos fucking up into Kendall in time with Logan. All three boys are groaning and gasping, the sound of the fourth coming back over. A hand settles on the back of Carlos' neck and he pulls back from the kiss with a pleased hum, Kendall's mouth chasing after his in desperation.

"My turn." James says, and he squeezes Carlos' neck briefly before letting go and tangling his fingers in Kendall's hair instead. He rises to his knees and drags the youngest boy's head around to face him, his erection lightly brushing Kendall's chin. The blond moans, dipping his head to try and catch it. He misses, smearing pre-cum across his face, but the mishap only spurs him on more, and he secures his lips around James' tip on the second attempt, eyes falling shut as he savors the first burst of salt across his tongue.

James licks his lips, staring down at Kendall. He brushes his thumb over the apple of Kendall's cheek and watches the dark fan of his eyelashes as they flutter in response. The sweat and cum on the blond's face shimmers with each turn of his head. James slides his hand along the slope of Kendall's face and comes to a rest along the curve of his neck, scratching gently as his fingers search for a handhold. Kendall moans, legs still working to lift and lower himself on Carlos' and Logan's dicks. He hasn't slowed a bit, fucking down in earnest.

Carlos is watching with wide eyes, hips stuttering, "Whoa."

Kendall whimpers and slams himself down hard, reminding Carlos to move. The latino quickly returns to the rough pace and Kendall sighs around James' cock.

"Shit yeah. You mouth." James growls as he forces more of his dick past Kendall's lips. Kendall resists just to feel James' strength as he's dragged forward, and then he stops fighting, taking the other boy in with ease. James' fingers aren't gentle as they tangle in his hair and set a brutal rhythm that has Kendall struggling not to choke, spit dribbling down his chin. His eyes are watering from the treatment, but so is his dick, leaking so much that there's a line of slick in the crease of Logan's abs. His throat is sore, feels like he's swallowed sandpaper, but he forces himself to keep going, and it's not that hard to do because he actually really fucking likes this.

He doesn't know if it's because of the heat or if it's something he'd enjoy normally, but Kendall's straining against Carlos' hold, neck stretched as far out as he can manage. He can't get enough, something the others are fully aware of.

James shuffles forward a little, and Kendall moans around his dick, taking his bandmate to the base and swallowing just to feel the taller boy's girth.

"Fuck. Such a good cock sucker." James growls, watching his shaft slide between Kendall's cherry lips, "Look so hot, choking on my dick. Like you're starving for it."

Carlos watches in amazement as Kendall continues to deep throat James like he was born to do it. It's just another thing he can do perfectly and Carlos wonders if Kendall just has some god-given gift of talent that applies to everything he tries. They've yet to find something he can't do, and watching the way Kendall fits James in his mouth makes Carlos doubt they ever will.

Logan reaches out to cup Carlos' chin and turn his head back around to face him. He leans forward, capturing the older boys' mouth in a kiss. Carlos' eye widen in surprise and for a moment he doesn't react, his mind blank because Logan is kissing him. Sure, their dicks are touching, and he's sort of fucking one of his other friends, but this is just him and Logan. Nobody is going to die if they don't kiss, so why Logan is doing this is beyond him.

Unless...

A moan from James snaps Carlos into action and he parts his lips, letting Logan's tongue slip inside. He realizes he doesn't really care why Logan is doing this, if it's a heat of the moment thing or if he actually wants Carlos. He just goes with it, Kendall's voice strong in his mind as he talks about chances and opportunities. The blond's hair brushes the sides of their faces as if to approve of Carlos' decision, but neither notices the touch, already lost in each other's mouths.

Logan kisses with more passion than Carlos had expected. He's tamer than Kendall, carefully feeling Carlos out, discovering what he likes and what he doesn't, but he's also quick to take control, dominating with his tongue. Carlos wouldn't have ever figured him the type, but it feels good, having somebody kiss him like that, so he lets it happen.

Carlos can hear Kendall's mouth sliding sloppily over James' enormous dick, the sharp inhale he makes when he and Logan hit his sweet spot, and how he moans like he's never felt better in his life. Carlos pulls his arms tighter, fucking the blond hard and moaning against Logan's lips. God, the sounds Kendall is making. Carlos can't believe it.

"Shit, Kendall, listen to you. Two cocks shoved up your ass, another down your throat and you're still so fucking needy." James grunts, loosening his grip to let Kendall set the pace, wanting to watch the slow slide of his cock between those beautifully swollen lips, "Greedy whore. Never get enough, do you? Fuck, you're such a pretty little whore."

Kendall makes a sound of agreement, turning his head as he works his way back up James' cock. He sucks the tip and dips back down, pulling back again and changing angle so James rams into the soft flesh of his cheek. James places his hand there and moans as he feels his own dick in Kendall's mouth. He curses, "Kinky bitch."

Again, Kendall just moans, head sliding back. He pulls off with a gasp, and James misses the warmth of his mouth until he looks down to see a trail of saliva connecting Kendall's lips to his tip. The blond's mouth is obviously freshly-fucked, lips puffy and slick.

"Fuck," Kendall coughs, voice raw. His tongue slips out and wipes away the string of spit, breaking the contact. He coughs again, "Fuck." It's more of a wheeze than anything else. He barely even sounds like himself and James has to squeeze his cock to avoid coming. He made Kendall sound like that.

James sits back on his heels and cups Kendall's jaw tenderly. The shorter boy blinks slowly, his eyes watering as he struggles to catch his breath, panting hard as Carlos and Logan continue to drive up into him. James rub his thumb across Kendall's bottom lip in wonder, "Christ Ken, look at you."

Kendall's eyes are fighting to stay open, his body exhausted but still so far from being satisfied. His cock is still as hard and red as before, throbbing with need. James wants to lean down and taste him, but he resists for Kendall's sake, remembering how painful it is for the younger boy. James doesn't know how he's capable of taking so much abuse.

Kendall's tongue snakes out to curl around James' thumb, breaking the older boy from his thoughts. James moans as Kendall laps at the digit sleepily.

"Fuck, Kendall, your mouth. Your goddamn beautiful mouth," James says, leaning forward and kissing Kendall, the last word muffled as their lips connect. Kendall whimpers, letting James tongue-fuck him. He gasps into the kiss regularly, begging for more and faster and harder. Carlos and Logan struggle to do as asked, lost in a kiss of their own over Kendall's other shoulder, but James can tell they're both having trouble holding on. He doesn't think they'll last much longer.

As if on cue, Carlos breaks the kiss and tosses his head back, "Uhn, I'm close."

Kendall shivers and pulls back from James' lips, "Not- not in me."

The other three give him a strange look, and Logan opens his mouth, probably to remind Kendall that they're both wearing condoms but Kendall shakes his head before he can speak, "Not- On my face. I want you to come on my face."

Carlos almost does come inside of Kendall when he hears the blond moan those words, and he reaches down to squeeze his balls, letting the pain pull him back from the edge.

James reaches over and grabs Kendall's hands, holding tight while Carlos pulls out. He hisses, missing the heat of Kendall's body, but fuck if he doesn't want to come on him. James tells Logan to lay back as he swings around and carefully replicates Carlos' hold on Kendall's arms. His dick is hard and leaking, pressed tight against Kendall's back, but he wants to watch this, so he forces himself to wait.

Carlos crawls up on the bed, positioning himself just to the side. Logan puts a hand on his thigh and looks up at him with lustful eyes. Carlos pauses, confused, and then he moans when he realizes what Logan is asking. He lifts his leg and places it on the other side of Logan's face so he's kneeling over the other boy. James bites back a curse, squeezing Kendall. The blond jerks against the hold, eyes locked on Carlos' hard member.

James helps him get down into a better position, Carlos' dick bobbing in front of his face. Kendall purrs.

"Fuck yeah. Do it, 'litos. Fucking cum on my face." He urges, nosing at Carlos' dick eagerly. Pre-cum glistens on his lips but he doesn't lick it away, tongue sticking out to flick against Carlos' tip instead. The latino moans, hand wrapping tightly around his cock as he strokes himself back towards the edge. Kendall keeps nudging him, like he needs to remind Carlos that he's there and waiting. His eyes are wide and anxious, mouth open and tongue out. Logan is barely even fucking him now but he doesn't really care about anything but getting Carlos to shoot his load all over their leader's face.

Logan reaches up and squeezes Carlos' ass, spreading him open. The latino makes a confused noise, and then Logan leans up, dragging his tongue over the older boy's hole. Carlos shudders, and when Logan backtracks and forces his tongue inside, he loses it, hand a blur as he brings himself off. His body clenches around Logan's tongue, and it feels so good that he has a hard time keeping his eyes open, but he manages to.

His cum hits Kendall's face in hot white stripes, splattering across his left cheek and the side of his nose, streaking through one of his thick eyebrows. Kendall manages to catch some on his tongue, but he doesn't close his mouth until Carlos starts to soften. Logan's tongue slips out and he nudges Carlos back, wanting to see. Carlos scoots away and helps Logan sit up, eyes locked on Kendall's cum-covered face. Logan makes an appreciative sound when he sees the blond, and he leans back against Carlos' stomach, enjoying the view.

Kendall swallows slowly, eyes falling shut like he's savoring the taste of Carlos. He hums quietly, licking his lips, and rocks down onto Logan, back against James, "More."

"Shit." James says, bucking forward so his dick slides along Kendall's spine, "Fuck, Kendall, you're killing me, man."

"Please," Kendall says, like he thinks James isn't going to do it, like he expects them all to just leave him there. He's distraught, sweat dripping off of his face when he lifts his head, and even under all the cum and sweat on his face, he manages to look like little more than a terrified child and everything is suddenly serious again.

James tenses behind him, staving off his orgasm, "Just a second, buddy."

He pulls Kendall back so he's sitting up straight and holds him tight to his own chest. James nods down at Logan, and the smaller boy pulls out, removing the condom. Kendall makes a strangled sound, but James quickly presses in, skin against skin. None of the others notice that he's taking Kendall bareback, and James figures they've crossed that line already, and he doesn't have time to grab a rubber, and a tiny part of him wants to solidify his claim over the blond like some sort of animal. James doesn't really like what that says about him, but he shoves it to the back of his mind, slamming into Kendall hard.

Kendall grunts.

Logan sits up and jacks himself, aiming for the blond's belly. His abs are smooth and hard, light definition that solidifies when he tenses up. Soft golden hairs lead down from his belly button and Logan licks his lips as his eyes lock onto Kendall's treasure trail. It's light and soft, barely noticeable against his skin, but right now it's all Logan can see. He wants to drag his tongue over it, lick his way down the golden path like he's in some sort of weird Wizard of Oz porno, the kind of thing James probably has stashed in a box under his bed.

Kendall's muscles tighten in anticipation. His whole body jolts with each push James makes into him, and he's staring down at Logan's cock like he's never wanted anything more. It's invigorating and terrifying to have those eyes on him. Logan leans back until he feels Carlos' chest. The darker boy stiffens for a moment, and then he curls his arms around Logan, holding him steady.

Something about the latino's touch and Kendall's gaze sends a spark through Logan's body, and it just takes a moment to hit a fuse and then he's exploding. He paints Kendall's chest and belly white, covering the thin line of golden hair. Logan keeps his hand moving fast as he forces all he can out of his body. When he finally finishes, chest heaving and cock spent, Kendall is a mess.

There's cum all across his abs and part of his chest, thick and white in the dips of his ribs. It slides down his body with each breath, each thrust James makes, looking like melted wax. Some even drips down onto Kendall's thighs, his cock.

Their arms are untouched, James holding Kendall tightly across the top of his chest, just out of range. He slides their intertwined hands down now, smearing the mess on Kendall's body and gathering Logan's release on their fingers. Kendall tilts his head down to watch as James paints lines up his chest, shivering in anticipation. James slows his pace and lifts their left hands up in front of Kendall's face.

Kendall leans forward without prompting, sucking two fingers clean at a time. His tongue is warm and soft, sliding into every groove and space and licking until there's nothing left. James lifts their right hands next, changing direction at the last moment and wrenching a whine out of Kendall, "Ja-"

James takes their cum-covered hands and buries them in Kendall's hair, twisting the blond's head around and kissing him hard. Kendall melts, mouth opening easily and he shudders as James fucks him deep. James groans, tongue sliding along Kendall's teeth. He can taste Carlos and Logan, feel them both sticky on his tongue when he draws back, and it's the strangest sensation, the most overwhelming realization, knowing what all of them taste like together.

Kendall seems to agree, chasing after James' tongue with a needy whine. It's not until James feels a hand on the back of his neck that he realizes he's let Kendall go, and he allows the shorter boy to deepen the kiss without complaint. Kendall takes advantage of his lack of restraint, and pushes himself roughly onto James. He's pulling back off and rocking down in seconds, fucking himself rapidly and moaning into James' mouth.

James feels himself getting close and shifts so he can thrust up harder, and then he's fucking Kendall with everything he has left until the blond can't even hold him tightly enough to kiss. James curses, mouth hovering beside Kendall's cheek, and he comes hard inside of the younger boy.

James rides his orgasm out, hips slowing until Kendall is the only one moving, milking James' dick for more. The taller boy hisses, pulling out to escape the painful friction. Kendall gasps at the sudden loss and James pushes him down onto the mattress chest-first. He flips Kendall over easily and forces the blond's legs up into the air, his left forearm hooked under his knees. Kendall's hole is dark red and he looks so used, so completely raw that James can't help but hiss in sympathy. Kendall sobs when James doesn't do anything, voice full of tears, "Please! Please, I can't take it! I can't take it!"

Carlos is carding the fingers of one hand through Kendall's sweaty hair, trying to soothe him. His other hand is pinning Kendall's left arm down, Logan holding tight to his right.

"Please!" Kendall shouts again, and James stops worrying about the long-term, burying three fingers into Kendall's body in a single stroke. A thrill of victory runs through him when he manages to hit Kendall's prostate with perfect accuracy. The blond's body shakes and his back arches deliciously as he curses. Carlos and Logan's arms are straining as Kendall fights their hold, but they manage to keep him pinned as James works his magic.

He's always been good with his hands.

"Come for me, Kenny." He urges, roughly rubbing his fingertips against the bundle of nerves. Kendall's legs are shaking against James' arm and his entire body is wound tight. James looks over his knees to watch his face, the way his eyes are clenched shut as he dry sobs and thrashes. His face is flushed, the blush spreading down his neck and chest and finally fading towards his stomach, cum glistening along the path.

He's an absolute wreck even underneath all of that, covered in scratches and bruises, a few from his own hands but mostly from theirs. His hips are the worst. Three different sets of finger prints are bruised into his skin. Each shift and switch has left a slight variation, the hands leaving a gradient of color across his skin. His wrists and most of his arms aren't much better, and James can't even see the full extent of damage there, Logan and Carlos' hands covering some of his skin.

James twists his fingers roughly, eyes darting between Kendall's red face and redder cock, his own fingers shoved up inside of his friend's trembling body. Kendall keens loudly and his dick is leaking but he doesn't come. James presses his thumb against Kendall's perineum, matching the pressure with his fingers as he pushes harder, faster, makes Kendall's voice hit new notes, "J-J-James! Oh fuck, James!"

James slips another finger in when Kendall's muscles spasm, pulling all four together like a spear which he slams against the blond's prostate. Kendall cries out at the sudden stretch, the added force. He's getting closer, chest moving faster than James has ever seen it, pulse pounding beneath Carlos and Logan's hands. His toes and fingers curl tightly, every muscle tensing as the fire suddenly flares under his skin. He's dry sobbing and shrieking, teeth clamped over his lips to hold back the sounds. The heat covers him, rolling over his skin in waves, branching out from his core and down to his fingertips, his toes, the ends of his hair.

Every press of James' fingers inside of him sends a second pulse, one that chases the heat away. It feels like rain, tingling over him and racing to catch the flames. It's growing stronger, the rings of fire and ice getting closer, closer, about to touch and overlap. James sinks deep, spreading his fingers wide and the two forces meet right in the middle of Kendall's body. They connect and it's like a supernova, like a fucking tornado is sweeping through him and twisting everything up, like a bomb just went off and he's ground zero.

Kendall screams before anyone can silence him, so loudly and so suddenly that he feels his jaw pop. Logan slaps his hand over the blond's mouth but it's already too late; the entire Palm Woods probably heard him and they can only hope people figure it's just another day in 2J.

Kendall's body spasms around James's fingers as he comes. A seemingly endless stream erupts from his dick, shooting so hard that most of it lands on his own face and neck, adding to the mess already there. His bandmates watch in amazement and slight fear as Kendall's body thrashes. Carlos sort of thinks he looks like he's being exorcised, the way his body shoots up off of the bed, back arching.

There's a rush of white noise in Kendall's ears, a wind tunnel, sweeping through his body and then it's sealed off, the world falling silent as he crashes back down to the mattress, boneless and panting. His eyes are wide open, staring straight up at the ceiling, unseeing, and if his breathing wasn't so erratic, he'd probably look dead. There's no sound, no light. It's like he doesn't even exist for a moment, everything spinning around him as he hangs in oblivion. Little bolts of static spark on the edges of his nerves but he barely feels them, paralyzed by the silence, frozen in the eye of the storm.

James carefully lesses the pressure of his arm on Kendall's knees and the blond's legs fall in a crooked heap. Logan and Carlos let go of his arms, both feeling guilty when they see the fresh layer of bruises. James carefully pulls his fingers free from Kendall's body, expecting a sound of pain, but Kendall doesn't even twitch. He's stopped sweating, old drops running down his sides and nothing to replace them. James thinks he can hear his heartbeat.

"Kendall?" He asks, tentatively, but gets no response. He reaches out, worried, but just before his hand makes contact with Kendall's chest, the blond's eyes roll back and he passes out.

"Kendall?" James shouts in terror, palm flat against his chest and trying to shake him awake. Carlos looks to Logan with panic in his eyes.

The smart boy pushes James' hands away, "He's fine. Look." Logan points at the slowing but still rapid rising and falling of Kendall's chest, "He's just exhausted. His body's too tired to stay awake. He just needs to rest and then he'll be okay."

James relaxes a bit, tensing up when he sees Logan placing his fingers on Kendall's neck, "Carlos, go get some water. James, grabs us all something to eat, yeah?"

Carlos nods, bounding off the bed and running out to the kitchen, buck-naked. James raises an eyebrow and muffles a laugh, sobering when he looks back at Kendall, "What are you doing?"

Logan is silent for a moment, lips moving as he counts. He looks up at James a few seconds later and smiles tiredly, "Checking his pulse. It's pretty fast, but it's starting to slow back down. He should be back to normal soon."

"Normal-normal? Or like, normal-for-an-hour-and-then-horny-as-hell-normal?" James asks, reaching out for his underwear and pulling it on.

Logan shrugs, looking around for his own clothes, "No clue. I may be a genius, but this isn't something I've ever heard of. I'm as lost as you are."

James nods distractedly, zipping up his jeans. He decides to forgo the shirt, heading into the kitchen to make some food for everybody. He pauses at the doorway, looking back at Kendall with concern. He startles when Carlos squeezes past him with a glass of ice water, which he hands to Logan.

Logan thanks him and lifts Kendall's head, tapping his cheek. Kendall doesn't move and Logan asks Carlos to get some icepacks and wrap them in paper towels. Carlos nods, and Logan calls out to him before he takes off again, tossing the latino's boxers to him. Carlos catches them and hurriedly puts one leg through, jumping on the other as he struggles to walk and pull them on. James hurries into the kitchen then, but he hears a thump that indicates Carlos wasn't quite as smooth as he would have liked.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Chapter Six**

The moment Kendall wakes up, he really wishes he hadn't. His entire body hurts, a dull ache that stretches from the tips of his toes to the ends of his hair. His skin itches like he's been in the sun for too long and his muscles are trembling, sore and weak. He tries to open his eyes, but it feels like his eyelids are made of sandpaper. The tiny bit of light that manages to filter through his lashes is blinding. His throat is painfully dry, and his tongue is heavy and thick.

He tries to call out for someone, but all he manages is a rough exhale.

"Kendall?"

It's hard to recognize the voice when his heart is beating so loud, but Kendall thinks it's Logan. He tries to answer but he can't even manage the small sound he'd just made moments ago.

He hears footsteps and then his head is being lifted up slowly, barely even an inch off the pillow, and a straw is pressed to his lips. He sucks on it greedily, so thirsty, but he barely even swallows before it's being pulled away.

"You're dehydrated. If you drink too fast, you'll just throw it all up. Give it a minute and then you can have some more, okay?" It doesn't take much to confirm the identity of the person now: only Logan would know how to handle dehydration. As much as he wants more water, Kendall is willing to trust his friend to take care of him, and he doesn't protest as he's lowered back down to the pillow.

"Can you talk?"

Kendall licks his lips. He's already feeling a little better now that he's had some water, but when he speaks, his voice is faint and it sounds like gravel and glass, "Y-yeah."

Logan makes a displeased noise, "Maybe you should just let your voice rest for a bit. Here."

The straw is again pressed to Kendall's lips, and this time Logan lets him drink a bit more, but he still pulls it away much too soon in Kendall's opinion.

"It's 3 in the afternoon. James and Carlos are in Carlos and I's room, catching up on sleep. We figured it would be best if someone was here when you woke up, so we've been taking shifts." Logan explains, setting the glass down on the nightstand, "You've been asleep for almost twenty-four hours now."

Kendall feels a tiny stirring of panic in his chest. Twenty-four hours. That's... Wow. No wonder he's so thirsty.

He tries to open his eyes again, but it's still no use. He swallows hard and licks his lips, "Bright."

There's a beat of silence as Logan tries to figure out what he's just said, and then the short boy is scrambling across the room to shut the blinds, apologizing frantically, "Sorry, I'm sorry. I thought it would help you wake up faster. I didn't think- I'm sorry!"

The room grows noticeably darker and Kendall slowly eases one eye open, then the other. He has to blink a few times to get his vision to focus. There are still faint lines of light peeking through the blinds, dimly illuminating the room. He looks at Logan, "'appened?"

Logan stiffens and slowly move his eyes to Kendall's face, "Uh... You don't remember...?"

Kendall stares at him in silence and Logan nods awkwardly, glancing around the room, "Right. Right, um. Here, drink some more water."

Logan shoves the straw into Kendall's mouth, desperate to change the subject. As much as he wants answers, especially now that Logan is hesitant to give them, Kendall's still thirsty, so he lets the action slide, choosing instead to focus on rehydrating. He's grateful when Logan doesn't pull the straw away, at least until he realizes that the other boy is very clearly having some sort of internal battle, staring at the door like he's waiting for a burglar to come running in and interrupt the awkward little moment they seem to be having. Kendall flicks the straw away with his tongue and lets it rest against his chin, too tired and sore to shift his head away from the annoying plastic pressing into his skin, "Logan?"

Logan jumps, actually jumps, and turns back to Kendall with wide eyes, "Huh?"

He quickly focuses on the cup of water in his hand and blinks, "Oh, hey. Right. Water. I'll go get you some more! Be right back!"

He turns away, ready to sprint from the looks of it, but the cup is still half full and Kendall is getting this really weird feeling that something BIG happened. He thinks he could probably remember if he had the energy to try, but merely breathing is a huge effort right now and he's so tired. Still, he's not sure if this is something that can wait.

"Logan!" He says again, voice cracking as he struggles to raise it. He reaches out a hand, putting all his energy into shifting his body and-

And suddenly he doesn't much care about anything.

Kendall gasps as his vison flashes white, a terrible pain shooting up his spine and down his legs. He feels like he's being harpooned, like someone's trying to make a kebab out of him, and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts so bad! He instantly drops back to the bed, landing at a twisted angle, and tries to crawl back, to get away, to escape whatever is entering him, but he's too weak and the pain doesn't lessen and as Kendall struggles to move his legs, he suddenly realizes that it's too late; The damage has already been done.

His insides are hot and swollen and his ass feels so raw, like the first time he tried to finger himself, before he realized that no matter what they say in porn, spit isn't passable as lube. It's a deep pain though, stretching far past the reach of his fingers and Kendall feels sick as the sting starts to dim and things begin adding up.

Somebody fucked him.

He squeezes his eyes shut.

Somebody fucked him. Somebody took his virginity and he can't remember a goddamn thing.

There's a sob building in his throat, and when Logan says his name, soft and concerned, Kendall snaps.

"Get out." His voice is weak and raspy, but the anger still comes through as strong as ever.

"Kendall-"

"Get out!" He shouts, but it's just barely as loud as his normal voice. It's fierce enough to send Logan scurrying out of the room though, so Kendall doesn't really care. He just wants to be alone right now.

Logan has barely even closed the door when Kendall breaks. He's crying hard almost instantly, but no tears are coming. Every shake of his shoulders sends a bolt of pain through his body and the reminder of what transpired just makes him shake harder. He tries to ease the burn by shifting his hips but only manages to make it worse, and he chokes as a new bolt of pain runs through his body, fingers curling into the blankets. He squeezes his eyes shut so tightly he sees spots.

He can't catch his breath, can't wrap his mind around the possibility - he has no proof, he doesn't know for sure, he doesn't - of what may have happened.

He couldn't have had sex - there's no way! And he would remember if something had happened, wouldn't he? He would remember somethi-

Kendall's eyes snap open.

The heat.

His stomach drops.

He was in heat.

Hell, he is in heat, must be. The time doesn't add up. It's only been a week, right? And his brain is obviously moving slower than normal. Nothing's really making sense and he's so fucking confused!

Kendall squeezes his eyes closed again in frustration and tries to think back, to remember what happened. His memory is fuzzy, clouded, and images keep shifting, changing before he can catch more than a glimpse. Long fingers, large hands, lips and teeth and tongue. The phantom feeling of skin that isn't his. There are no faces, nothing to identify the people touching him, or even the number of people touching him, but he thinks they're all male, even though it's hard to tell with the way their voices are mixing, dropping and rising with his pulse, impossible to identify as they overlap and-

Wait.

Voices? They?

Kendall bites down on his lip, shivering in denial, even as his mind remembers hands and mouths and bodies, all plural.

They, as in more than one.

They, as in he's been fucked by more than one person.

They, as in he's really fucking screwed in every sense of the word.

His stomach turns and he suddenly feels like throwing up, but his stomach just clenches painfully around nothing and his sore throat spasms as he dry heaves. Nothing is coming up, but that just makes him try harder, because... because he's panicing, and he has to do something- he can't be calm!- He has to, has to-

Kendall chokes out a gasp, spit falling out of his open mouth and dribbling down his chin, onto the bed, but he doesn't care about that, can't even see anything other than the faceless men flooding his mind, because it's suddenly just hit him and he's shaking with fear now too, because it could have been anybody...

Kendall actually does manage to shed a tear at that, and his vision starts blurring more and more. His digs his fingernails into his palms, his hands twitching in pain. He slowly reaches up to wipe at his eyes, to make himself focus, and instead he chokes out a horrified breath when he sees the bruises on his wrist. He doesn't even have to look at the other one, can feel the matching throb on that side and he puts his arm down again, not wanting to look at the damage any longer.

Somebody held him down. They held him down and fucked him and he couldn't even tell them to stop.

His lungs burn right along with his eyes and the tears start sliding down faster.

God, he probably let them. He probably begged. He probably-

"Please, just fuck me. I'm ready, I need it. I want- I want you in me."

Kendall feels more tears slip out. He did. He'd actually begged. It wasn't even like he was raped. He'd asked them to and he just can't believe how much he screwed up.

He'd been saving himself...

A horrified laugh breaks from Kendall's mouth as he realizes how ridiculous it is for him to be upset about that.

He was saving himself all right, for a guy who's slept with more girls than Kendall can even count, a guy who isn't gay at all and would never even want Kendall, so what the fuck does it matter? James didn't want that, he couldn't have, so why the hell is Kendall crying over losing his virginity when there was no reason to keep it anyway? Why is he so stupid as to think it even matters? Why-

There's a knock on the door, "Kendall?"

James. Because it didn't already suck enough without having the truth shoved in his face.

Kendall shuts his eyes tightly and turns his head down into the pillow, unsure if he's trying to smother his sobs or himself. The door creaks open and Kendall feels his body begin to tremble even more. He tries to draw his legs up and curl into himself, but a sharp pain makes him backtrack, and he whimpers as the ache echoes up and down his spine.

"Shit." James is across the room before the door even clicks shut, standing over Kendall without a clue as to what he should do. He doesn't even know why he's in here. Logan told him not to come, that Kendall didn't want to talk to anyone, but he thought he could help or something, only now that he's here, he's not so sure that wasn't a stupid move.

"Kendall?" James calls out tentatively, not wanting to scare the blond, but wanting to be heard over the choked cries that are gradually growing louder. Kendall sounds like he did earlier, miserable and in pain and so very afraid, and James isn't sure if he should touch him, but Kendall's shaking so much and James just wants him to stop.

He's kneeling beside the bed and placing a hand on the back of Kendall's neck before he can stop himself, fingers gently scratching at his nape, "Shh. Hey, Kendall, it's alright. Shh. You're okay..."

Kendall freezes, body going tense as the words ring in his head with paralyzing familiarity; "Shh. You're okay. I gotcha, Ken. We're gonna take care of you, man." There's a hand on his back. He's crying, so scared, but the hand brushes away the fire with ease, and he lets it pull him closer, follows the path it sets for him and clings, "Please don't leave. Please, please don't leave me Jamie."

"I'm not going anywhere. Feel this? Feel me inside of you? I'm not gonna leave you. Not now, not ever. You're mine now."

Kendall twists his head around as the memory fades and doesn't even notice that he's knocked James' hand away with the movement. His eyes zero in on the bruised skin of James' neck, the purpling line that disappears beneath the collar of his shirt.

"Kendall?" James says quietly, and his voice is rough too, and Kendall can't believe it, isn't sure he wants to, because if he believes it and he's wrong...?

"It was you?" He asks, the words coming out before he can stop them, and though his throat aches with each one, he has to know. He's holding his breath, anxious and afraid and what if it wasn't? What if he's wrong? What then?

James frowns, like he's confused, and then he looks horrified and ashamed, looks embarrassed and guilty. Nods slowly, and swallows hard, "I'm sorry. I didn't- I didn't know what to do. You were begging, and I wanted to so bad, and I know it was wrong, that I shouldn't have taken advantage of you, but god, Kendall, you have no idea how hard it is to be around you all the time and to not be able to have you. And then you were right there, and you wanted me too - I thought you did, I really did - and I just, I couldn't- I had to have you and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! And Logan and Carlos-" James fumbles for words, muttering something Kendall is too distracted to piece together, and then continues, calmer but quickly growing frantic again, "I wasn't going to tell them, really, I wasn't! But I was scared and you were, you were crying and you were, it was like you were on fire and I didn't know what to do so I called Logan and Carlos found out on accident but by then it was too late to really hide anything and he was confused and we didn't have a choice!

"Look, Kendall I swear I never meant to hurt you, none of us did. We were just trying to help! Please don't be mad! Please don't hate me. I'm sorry. Kendall, I'm so sorry."

James is blinking back tears by the time he finishes speaking, face flushed and he looks so guilty, and Kendall wants to reassure him but he can barely believe what he's hearing, is still afraid to believe it. Things are starting to register and he isn't sure he's not delusional. He stares up into James' eyes, and struggles to speak loud enough, "Tell me... tell me you want me." Please tell me the truth. Tell me I'm reading this right, that this isn't some sort of horrible misunderstanding.

"Always." James says without hesitation, "I've always wanted you, Kendall. I never wanted anybody else as much as I want you. I... I love you, Kendall."

Another tear slides down Kendall's cheek at the admission, but he doesn't feel it, unaware of everything except for the sincerity in James' eyes as he says those words. Kendall chokes out a pained laugh, trying to stifle it because the slightest twitch hurts, but he can't help the stupid smile that takes over his face, "I love you, too, James."

James tilts his head, unsure, "You do?"

Kendall gives a tiny nod.

"I do," He rasps.

A smile slowly takes over James' face and he makes a strange noise, something between a laugh and a sob, and reaches out to interlace their fingers. Kendall squeezes back weakly, eyes sliding down James' face and stopping on the brunette's lips. God, Kendall just wants to kiss him, to feel James wanting him back, to share something when he's completely aware of what's going on. He starts to do just that, but a painful twinge in his back makes him stop and drop back down to the bed.

"Kendall?" James asks quickly, placing his hand on the blond's shoulder.

Kendall shakes his head weakly, "I'm fine."

James swallows the sudden lump in his throat, reminded that Kendall is anything but fine. The bruises are proof enough of that, but James feels his stomach turn as he realizes that Kendall's wrists are probably in better shape than the rest of him. He lets his eyes roam the blond's face, taking in his still swollen lips and the dark bags under his eyes. His skin seems paler than usual and it shines with dried sweat. There's spit on his chin and James reaches up with his other hand and wipes it away. Kendall makes a face, part disgust and part embarassment, and rubs his cheek against the pillow. The action makes James wonder how much he actually remembers.

"Kendall?" He asks cautiously.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay? I mean, are you, y'know, normal now?" James winces at his own phrasing but doesn't try and correct himself.

Kendall cracks open one tired eye and then the other. He looks up, trying to figure something out, and then asks James what day it is.

James' frown deepens. He hadn't known Kendall was that out of it.

"Sunday."

Kendall blinks at that, once, twice, and then he shuts his eyes for a long moment and doesn't say anything. James watches him, and he's half-convinced that Kendall has fallen asleep when the blond finally speaks, "I just want it to be over."

He opens his eyes to reveal that they're wet with unshed tears and James' chest grows tight, "Kendall..."

"No." Kendall says, voice a little stronger than it's been this whole time, but still raspy and broken, "No, I don't- fuck! Why me? Why the fuck does this ha-happen to me? Why am I so fu-fucked up?"

James bites his lip to keep from arguing, knowing nothing he says will get through to Kendall right now.

"I can't do another week. I can't do it, I can't. Not anymore. It hurts. Everything hurts. I jus' want it to st-stop!" His voice breaks off, and he's crying again. James hesitates a moment and then places a hand on Kendall's forehead, pushing his sweaty hair off of his face.

Kendall's lips continue moving, and he only manages to say every couple of words, his voice cracking too much and almost entirely lost at this point, but James doesn't have much touble figuring out what he's trying to say.

"Shh..." He says, giving Kendall's hand a light squeeze, "I'm not going to leave you. I promise, Kendall- I'm not going to leave you."

James leans forward and places a kiss to the center of the blond's forehead. Kendall's skin is warm against his lips, not as hot as before but still feverish, and a part of James is terrified that it was the heat speaking, that Kendall doesn't really love him back, but he shoves it aside for now and settles down to hold vigil over his exhausted friend.

"Now come on. Try and get some sleep."

Logan stands outside the closed door, wringing his hands nervously. He knows James means well, but Kendall's not exactly in the best of mindsets right now, and one wrong move could destroy the friendship between the entire group. He likes to think that they can survive anything together, that the four of them are going to be best friends right into the afterlife, but he's never even considered something as ludicrous as their current situation, and this is something he thinks might actually be able to tear them apart. Needless to say, he's anxious, and it won't be long before that anxiety gives way to panic.

Carlos comes up behind him, yawning, "Where's James?"

Logan points to the room their friends are in and quickly drops his hand before he can reach out for the door handle. Carlos comes up beside Logan, their arms brushing, and Logan catches Carlos' hand without thinking, grip tight. Carlos looks down at where Logan's fingers intersect his own and hesitantly squeezes back. Some of the tension seems to bleed out of Logan then, and Carlos smiles, happy to maintain the contact.

"I just... This isn't... Kendall's really upset and what if things are... different now?" Logan trails off at the end, as if he's ashamed of his own thoughts.

"Why would things be different?" Carlos asks, oddly innocent considering everything that's happened. Logan looks over at him in wonder.

"Because we- Carlos! We had sex!" Logan sputters, but he still doesn't let go of Carlos' hand and he's not too sure what that says, just that his relationship with Kendall isn't the only thing changing and there's something strangely calming about having Carlos' hand clasped in his, even though it should really just be adding to his freak out.

"We were helping Kendall." Carlos argues, still so calm, letting Logan flap his arm around without the slightest resistance, eyes meeting Logan's with the same contented warmth that's always been there. Logan doesn't know if he wants to smack Carlos or kiss him for being so oblivious, and the fact that those are the only options he can think of is a clear sign that things have already changed, but even clearer is the fact that he chooses the latter.

Logan darts forward and presses his lips to Carlos' quickly, letting his gratitude spill over in the action. He's not sure if he conveys his thanks as well as he'd wanted to, but Carlos doesn't push him away and Logan feels him kiss back pretty quickly.

It's a short kiss, simple too, but Logan feels loads better when he pulls away to find the same Carlos that's always been there smiling back at him and not some weird awkward version of his best friend that he doesn't know how to interact with. He lets himself relax a bit and only feels a little weird when Carlos pulls him into a hug and kisses the side of his head, though he snorts when he sees that the latino is standing on his tiptoes to do so.

Carlos misinterprets Logan's laugh and pulls back, making a confused noise, "What? Don't boyfriends do that sort of thing?"

Logan nearly chokes on his tongue and Carlos quickly continues, "I mean, because, you know..." He lifts their linked hands and waves them around, "That's what this means, right?"

Logan bites his lip, unsure, and brings their hands back down, "Can we just be... you know, Logan and Carlos, part 2?"

He blushes, feeling ridiculous phrasing it like that, but he's done the boyfriend thing with Camille and it was more trouble than it was worth. He also doesn't want to have a boyfriend if it means losing a best friend, and he doesn't know if Carlos can be both, and sometimes when things fit into more than one category, science dictates that they get a new category all their own, and Logan doesn't think there's anything out there that can really describe his and Carlos' relationship anyway - he certainly can't and he's a genius!

Carlos frowns, and Logan's ready to kick himself in the face for screwing everything up, until the shorter boy says, "Wait, why does your name get to come first?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Chapter Seven**

It's nine o'clock the next morning when Kendall wakes up for real. His limbs still ache from overuse and his throat is still sore from more of the same, but the fact that he's more or less aware of his surrounding for the first time in days more than makes up for any pain, and Kendall lets out a breath of relief as he lets himself relax. There's a warm hum throughout his body, strange but not unpleasant, and he isn't sure what it is but it's a welcome change from the overwhelming flames he's been struggling to fight off.

"Hey." James says softly, and Kendall turns his head, surprised to find the brunette's face inches away from his own. He's already dressed for the day, hair perfectly styled where it rests against the pillow.

"Hey." He says back just as quietly. The rasp of his voice is easy to mistake for his usual morning gruffness, and there's a strange comfort in that. He clears his throat anyway.

"How are you feeling?" James asks, eyes tight with concern. The lazy drawl of his voice is noticeably at odds with the tension in his body.

Kendall rolls his shoulder in a small shrug, quirking his lip just in case James can't make out the movement, "Okay. Sore, mostly."

"Yeah, I'd imagine so." James answers with a gentle laugh that's caused more by surprise than any actual humor. It dies quickly and the sound of their breathing fills the silence. James reaches up and pushes some of Kendall's hair back off of his forehead, "Your fever broke a few hours ago. I don't know if that means anything, but..."

Kendall nods, eyes flicking away from James for a moment. He doesn't feel the heat anymore, not really, just a subtle warmth in his chest, but it's nice, and it's not closing in on him, ready to pounce once his guard falls.

He frowns. As much as he'd like to believe he's all better, Kendall knows things don't work like that. It's always two weeks, has been every year since this damn cycle started destroying his life, and Kendall isn't willing to believe that it's already passed through his system. He's not going to fall victim to the relief.

"Kendall...?" James asks.

Kendall looks at him, "I don't think... I still have a week left. I can't feel it but that doesn't make any sense. James, I still have a week left."

"Well..." James tries, weighing possibilities in his head, "You said things were different this time, right?"

"Yeah, but..." Kendall trails off, biting his lip, "I don't know. Forget it. I'm just being paranoid."

James nods, willing to accept the possibility and unwilling to upset Kendall further.

"You'll probably feel better once you eat." He offers.

Kendall's stomach growls in response and he nods, "Yeah, probably."

"I'll go get you something. Be right back." James leaves the room hesitantly looking back over his shoulder once he's in the doorway. Kendall is staring at the ceiling, still beneath the sheets.

Kendall eats slowly, wincing when the crust of his toast scrapes his lip in just the right way to upset the healing skin. He still manages to be hungry enough to force James back to the kitchen for seconds, desperate to make up for missed meals. Once he's finally had his fill, he asks James to help him into the shower.

Kendall's legs are stiff and uncooperative but he's pretty sure he could have made the trip without help. That doesn't stop him from clinging to the taller boy, vaguely remembering a similar trip when he was barely aware. He showers without incident, finding that he was already mostly clean but feeling immensely better when he gets out. His legs feel like jelly, but it's preferable to the aching tightness and overwhelming sense of weakness from before the hot water had worked it's magic, and he's feeling mostly human.

Still, all he really wants is to go back to sleep for the next few days, or at least until his body heals. He feels like he's been hit by a truck, or checked by an angry James. He dresses in a pair of loose sweatpants and an undershirt that hides most of the bruises on his chest - he'll just have to figure something else out to keep his mom from seeing his arms and neck - and crawls under the sheets of the freshly made bed, fully prepared to return to his pattern of isolation. The door opens and Kendall cracks open one eye to see James.

"I changed the sheets." The tall boy says, mostly to hide his surprise at finding Kendall already back in bed, hair leaving wet spots on the pillow.

"I noticed." Kendall says with a yawn, snuggling deeper under the covers, "Thanks."

James stands there with a confused expression for a moment before closing the door, leaving the blond to rest.

Kendall dozes on and off while the others are at school, occasionally picking up the same hockey magazine to try and occupy his mind, but the pictures of strong athletic bodies make him squirm uncomfortably, and he closes the magazine before his body can get any ideas. He doesn't want to encourage the heat to return, so mostly he just stares at the ceiling and keeps a paranoid look out for any signs that he'll need to lock the door.

The guys may have already seen him at his worst, but that's not something he wants to think about, much less repeat.

Even if it was the most amazing thing he's ever felt, better than any sex he's ever imagined, any touch he's ever been able to provide himself with...

Kendall rolls over angrily.

He can't be thinking about the guys like that. It's gotta be against at least one code! And even if it's not, it's just wrong to think that way about a friend.

Except, James isn't really his friend anymore, is he?

They're, what? Boyfriends? Partners? Lovers?

A small smile curls across Kendall's face.

Lovers. It's fucking cheesy as hell but they are, aren't they? James said he loved him. James and him are in love!

How ridiculously awesome is that? He's actually dating the guy he's been head over heels for since elementary school. Heck, they've even had sex!

Kendall's grin suddenly falls.

They've had sex. They've had sex and Kendall barely remembers a thing.

Kendall squeezes his eyes shut and angrily flings the magazine across the room.

"Whoa!"

Kendall rolls over, mouth open in surprise to see James standing in the hall outside their room, using the door as a shield against any more flying objects.

He didn't even hear the door open. Heck, he didn't even hear anyone come into the apartment.

Kendall glances at the clock to find it's already 5 in the afternoon. Huh.

James peeks around the door slowly, "Uh, Logan and Carlos are down at the pool. I don't know about your mom and Katie. Anyway, dude, are you okay?"

Kendall shrugs, laying on his back so he can look at James. The taller boy takes that as permission to enter the room. He closes the door softly and picks up the magazine, tossing it onto Kendall's dresser as he approaches the blond's bed. James sits gingerly on the edge of the mattress and reaches out to stroke a hand through the younger boy's hair. Kendall leans into the touch, sighing, "I'm just..."

Kendall trails off, words immediately failing him as he feels a sudden stir in his gut. He freezes, unable to speak. He knew it would come back. It always comes back. Oh, he knew it would come back!

"Kendall?" James prods, turning the blond's head so he can see his boyfriend's expression, but Kendall doesn't answer. He can't move, can't breathe, he's ready to scream in agony, to beg any god that exists to stop toying with him and just end him where he's laying, but then he realizes he's not burning up and lost in his head. He can feel James touching him and hear his voice; it's not just a low rumble caressing his nerves, but something he can actually interpret, something he's aware of. He's warm and comfortable and he wants but he doesn't need. This feeling is different. It's a low simmer deep in his belly, the sort of arousal he's used to during the rest of the year, and Kendall realizes with a sort of shock that it's not the heat making him feel this way; it's just James.

"James," Kendall says softly, the word sounding like a gasp, surprise slipping through.

James shifts further onto the bed and raises his eyebrows, "Yeah?"

Kendall swallows, feeling suddenly nervous. He reaches out and takes a hold of James' hand, playing with the taller boy's fingers to distract himself. James watches him closely, confused but quiet as his gaze flicks between Kendall's face and their fingers.

Kendall clears his throat and James looks back up. Kendall doesn't meet his eyes.

"James, did you mean what you said earlier?" He asks, sounding nervous and insecure, the tone not quite right in his mouth.

James doesn't answer immediately and Kendall hesitantly flicks his eyes up to find the brunette frowning down at him, "You mean about how I love you and have for years? Yeah. I meant every word."

Kendall nods, relieved, but still unsure if what he's about to do is such a great idea. He just knows that he wants this, wants them, wants to feel James without the heat squished between them, and he doesn't want their first time to be a memory full of fear that only James can recall. He wants something real. He blinks hard and then looks up, holding eye contact.

Kendall tightens his grip on James' hand and guides it up his body slowly, until James' palm is flat against his chest, just over his heart. He watches James' face for cues that he should stop, that they should talk about this, but James is just watching him with wide eyes and swallowing hard. "Kendall?"

Kendall shivers, and distantly thinks about how gay what he's about to say really is, "I want you to make love to me."

James' breath stutters and he nods, "Yeah. I can- Yeah, okay."

It's probably the least romantic response a person could have, but Kendall finds his chin being tilted up into a kiss before he can think about that. He instinctively wraps his arms around James neck, kissing back in a relaxed manner that contrasts sharply with James' fierce passion.

James kisses Kendall like he has something to prove, and maybe he does. Maybe he wants to show the blond what he missed, to let Kendall know that he really did mean every word he said, to kill any lingering doubts, because Kendall isn't Kendall without his confidence. His enthusiasm is contagious, and he ropes Kendall into a battle for dominance, only calming down when Kendall's hands finally clench in his shirt and pull him closer.

James slides his palms down Kendall's sides, shifting the sheets down with his legs as he hovers over the blond. His hands slip under Kendall's body, one braced in between his shoulder blades, the other playing at the hem of his shirt. James lifts Kendall with ease, bringing their bodies close together as his fingers slip underneath clothing to touch warm skin. He lets one of his legs come to rest between Kendall's, the other curling around so their knees are side by side.

Kendall purrs, angling his hips up for some friction. James gasps at the feeling of Kendall's erection against his thigh and pulls back from their embrace. He lowers Kendall to the mattress gently and starts to pull his hands out from under the younger boy's shirt.

"Kendall-"

Kendall grabs onto James' wrist, stopping his retreat. James stills, fingers still tucked against Kendall's belly.

"It's just me. It's not- James, it's just me, I swear. I want this, I want you. Please." Kendall assures the older boy, eyes dark with lust and want, but wide and honest. James relaxes and Kendall leans up on his forearms to continue their kiss. He feels a hand on his chest, holding him back, and opens his eyes to see James looking down at him with concern, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Kendall pauses for a moment and finds that yeah, he is actually.

He smiles, "I do. I love you, James Diamond. And I want to do this with you."

James smiles back, grinning wide and white, but it's not his signature mega-watt smile. This is the James only Kendall, Logan, and Carlos get to see. This is relaxed James, honest James, the James that plays with his food and leaves clothes all over the floor. This James has given his heart in it's entirety to Kendall, and he doesn't ever want it back.

James leans down again to connect their lips, rolling over Kendall as he kicks the sheets aside. Kendall easily finishes the job, tossing the fresh bedding to the floor with his free arm. He continues with the movement, crawling on top of James and slipping his hand underneath the taller boy's graphic tee. He marvels at the amount of heat James gives off. His skin is so warm, so strangely alive. It's also so much softer than Kendall expected, seemingly fragile despite the firm abs just beneath. Kendall's never touched another person like this, felt their body so intimately.

It's a new sensation. It's not like when they hug or wrestle, when they're separated by clothing and skin contact is just a side-effect. It's definitely not like the previous day. Now, Kendall can actually take his time and explore.

Kendall carefully eases James' shirt up, the fabric bunching as he exposes more and more skin. He can feel James' eyes on him, cataloguing his reactions. It makes Kendall a bit nervous, being stared at, but when he lifts his head, James is smiling.

"Come here." He says huskily, and reaches up to wrap his hand around the back of Kendall's neck to pull him into a kiss.

Kendall lets himself be brought down, lips parting to allow the brunette entrance. His own shirt rides up as they kiss and their stomachs touch. A thrill of excitement rushes through Kendall at the contact and he grabs the ends of James' shirt again, tugging until the brunette raises his arms. They break apart from their kiss briefly as Kendall pull James' shirt off and flings it aside, but within moments their lips are again connected.

James sucks Kendall's bottom lip into his mouth, teeth nibbling gently at the pink skin, tugging just to tease. Kendall moans into the kiss, sucking at the brunette's top lip in response. His hands rub down James' chest and abs, tracing the defined muscle with his fingertips. James growls with pleasure and reaches beneath Kendall's shirt, his large hands sliding upwards. The blond arches up into the touch, his own ministrations slowing as his focus shifts to the sensation of someone holding him.

Kendall likes having James touching him, how safe he feels when those large hands are cradling his body, firm and gentle. It reminds him of his dad, in a totally not weird way, how he'd always feel safe curled up his father's arms, his own body small and fragile in comparison. He misses not having to be the strong one, misses having someone to run to. James gives him that, and Kendall finds himself tightening their embrace as he adds another reason to the list of why he loves James Diamond.

James hugs him back just as fiercely, pushing himself up to bring them closer. His slides his legs out from under Kendall's body, and the blond takes the opportunity to shift into a kneeling position. James copies him, their lips connected the entire time, and then both boys are on their knees, hands pulling each other close as they kiss.

James smooths his hand down Kendall's back, feeling the blond's muscles shift beneath the thin cotton of his shirt. Kendall reaches up to cradle James' face and deepen the kiss. James tilts his head at Kendall's command, their tongues rolling together. His hands continue moving south, finally stopping when he reaches Kendall's waist, the younger's pajama pants hanging low. James rubs his thumbs back and forth over the soft skin in the groove just beneath Kendall's hip bone, drawing a quiet moan out of the blond. His fingers tickle over his lover's sides, spread wide to cover more skin.

Kendall's hands drop, petting along James' neck and over his shoulders, encouraging the taller boy to proceed. James takes the hint and pushes his hands up Kendall's chest, the blond's shirt catching on his wrists. James breaks the kiss once he meets firm pecs, and he slips the garment over Kendall's head with ease, dropping it over the side of the bed. His eyes immediately focus on the solid body sitting before him.

James dips his head down, tongue flicking out against Kendall's nipple. Kendall cries out in surprised pleasure, hand tightening around James' neck to hold him there while his other rubs his lover's back. James wraps his lips around the rosy bud and sucks, eyes falling shut as he listens to the beautiful noises Kendall makes. The blond is breathing hard, quietly chanting James' name.

James' own hands return to Kendall's shoulders, holding the blond in place as he works, tongue laving over puckered flesh. He can feel Kendall's back arching as he tries to get closer and slows his pace, hoping to calm the younger boy. It takes a moment, but Kendall's muscles relax the slightest bit and James leaves a trail of kisses as he shifts his attention to the other side of blond's chest.

Kendall moans quietly when James latches on again, the sound almost agonizing in it's desperation. James feels his dick begin leaking at the noise, and he lets out a groan of his own. He sucks hard at Kendall's nipple, the blond's entire chest reddening with a blush as he pulls his boyfriend closer.

James' hands follows the knobs of Kendall's spine, dancing up the blond's muscular back and fanning out over the wings of his shoulders. Kendall sighs, body relaxing further under the gentle touch and he blinks down at James with feline eyes, half-moaning as their gazes meet. James' breath catches against Kendall's skin, causing the younger boy's lids to shut as he leans his head back in bliss. James pulls off with hungry eyes and rubs circles into Kendall's skin.

James continues the movement as his hands slide back down Kendall's sides, finally pausing when he reaches the blond's hips. Slowly, James lets his hands move lower, cupping the curves of Kendall's body. He raises his head, lips parted lightly. Their gazes lock and a new weight settles over the room.

Kendall moves first, hands going to James' belt. He looks down to see what he's doing and pauses when he sees his hands against James' body. It's surreal almost, and he knows they've done this before, feels it all over his body, but this is different, and it's such a strange sensation that he starts laughing again.

"What?" James asks him with a confused grin, and Kendall shakes his head.

"Nothing. It's just - I can't believe this is happening. I mean, I know it's already s-sort of happened in a way," He stumbles over the words, feeling conflicted and lame, "But I-"

"Kendall," James interrupts softly, stopping the blond before he starts rambling. He brings his right hand up to cradle the younger boy's cheek, "This hasn't happened before. Everything else - It doesn't count. This is different. This is just you and me."

Kendall nods, blushing but relaxing. James thumbs over his lip to regain his attention, "Hey, I love you."

James' eyes are dark and huge, the late afternoon light tinting his skin with shades of gold and pink. He looks like a painting come to life, and a stupid smile breaks across Kendall's face, "I love you too, James."

They laugh nervously, excited. Kendall looks back down and finishes unbuckling James' belt, working open his pants as well. He bites his lip as he starts to slide James' jeans down. James takes over once his thighs are exposed, moving to the edge of the bed and kicking his clothes off. He looks back over his shoulder at Kendall and twists around, Kendall sitting back on his heels so they're almost at eye level, James just slightly lower. James reaches out and plants one hand on Kendall's chest, the other supporting his back. He applies gentle pressure and Kendall lets himself be pushed down, sprawled across the bed in his sweatpants. His eyes follow James as the brunette stands, thumbs slipping under his briefs. Their eyes locked, James pulls them down and lets them join the other clothes littering the floor.

Kendall gasps as James is revealed, the older boy flushing just slightly. He slowly crawls back onto the bed and straddles Kendall, hands running across the blond's bare chest, "You're so beautiful."

Kendall blushes, red stretching all the way down his neck and belly, past the hem of his pants. James lets one hand rest there and looks back up at Kendall questioningly. The blond nods, heart thumping loudly in his chest. James looks back down again and pulls away the last layer between them.

The two boys pause, taking a moment to stare at each other. James finds his own eyes being drawn in by the fading bruises on Kendall's hips. He places his hand over them, finding that his fingers match the small circular stains.

"It's okay." Kendall says softly, reaching up to squeeze James' right shoulder. The brunette looks up, startled.

"I'm sorry. That shouldn't have happened." He says, eyes flicking down to the less prominent bruises on Kendall's neck and arms.

"Yeah, well. We didn't have much of a choice. You did what you had to do." Kendall says, not wanting to taint this moment by talking about Before, but also not wanting James to feel guilty for something he couldn't really help.

James nods, and looks down when he feels one of Kendall's hands rest on top of his own. James turns his hand over and Kendall laces their fingers, his other hand rubbing across James' shoulder. "It's okay." He says, trying to force the brunette to stop feeling guilty. James nods again and pulls his right hand away from the bruises, fingers blazing four trails down Kendall's thigh. Kendall's hand tightens around his own and James stops, looking up at the blond's face. He can feel the muscles in Kendall's thighs jumping under his fingers.

Carefully, James retraces the path, watching Kendall closely for any signs that he should stop. The blond's eyes flutter closed and he squeezes James' hand again, breath hitching. He moans softly, sinking bonelessly into the bed. James continues his ministrations, moving towards the sensitive skin of Kendall's inner thigh with aching slowness, feeling his friend's muscles contract with small jolts of pleasure. Kendall's legs fall open, exposing his body to James' touch.

James works one hand back to cup Kendall's backside, the other digging around in the nightstand for lube. He tosses the half empty tube onto the bed beside Kendall's head and then snatches a condom out of the box. Kendall's eyes flutter open curiously, still glassy with arousal. They clear when he sees the condom. Kendall reaches out and wraps his fingers around James' hand, pushing it away. James frowns down at the blond, confused. Kendall flushes, his too-green eyes darting away briefly, and realization hits James. Still, he doesn't want to assume, "Kendall?"

Kendall looks up at him, biting his lip uncertainly, "I- I want to feel you."

James glances down at the condom in his hand, "Are you sure?"

Kendall nods, then shrugs, growing more confident, "It's not like we haven't already crossed that line or anything."

James blushes almost as bright as Kendall, "Uh, yeah."

James drops the condom back into the drawer and rights himself between Kendall's spread legs like he belongs there. He tilts Kendall's hips up so the blond is settled across his thighs and then retrieves the lube.

James pops open the cap and drizzles some across his fingers, rubbing his hands together until they're both slick and smooth. He reaches out for Kendall's dick, eyes trained on the flushed head. James wraps his fingers around the hard member and pulls, tugging a moan out of the blond. He lets his hand slide over Kendall's girth slowly, feeling the give of his skin, so soft and warm beneath his fingers. Kendall's mouth opens in a soft moan, lips perfect pink.

James licks his lips and watches his hand move along Kendall's smooth shaft, "Been dying to touch you."

Kendall murmurs something, struggling to get enough leverage to thrust up into James' hand. His dick is hot and leaking, pre-cum mixing with the lube on the James' long fingers. His entire shaft is slick, slipping through James' fist with ease, yet the brunette maintains an agonizingly slow pace that seems too gentle for the stimulating pressure.

Kendall rolls his hips up into the contact, the effort of doing so quickly exhausting him, and he's forced to give up his meager control and let James do as he pleases. The brunette drags his thumb under the head of Kendall's dick like some sort of reward for submitting, and Kendall shudders. He hears James open the lube again and a moment later another hand is dipping past Kendall's sac and creeping inward. Kendall tips his head back as he feels James press a finger into his body.

James groans as Kendall's body reacts, his hole clenching around that first digit. They both gasp, a deep lusty groan following from James. Kendall sighs his agreement and bends his knees, feet finding purchase on the bed. He spreads his legs wider, inviting James further in. James pushes more lube into Kendall's opening, finger spearing deep until he reaches his aim. Kendall shudders as James makes contact with his prostate, loosening up at the promise of pleasure. James is able to press a second digit in after less than a minute. His cock pulses with arousal.

James can't help but notice that Kendall feels different this time, body already repairing itself and returning to normal. He's snug around two of James' fingers, tight with three, and every little twitch makes him moan. His mouth falls open in bliss as his back arches and his head tilts up, chin thrust towards the sky. He looks like a god, like something not of this world, so impassioned by James' touch. He's gentler too, everything about him is. Like the harsh edges of the heat have been shaved down and all that's left is honest and natural lust.

He's still sensitive, reacting quickly to every press of fingers and flick of tongue, toes curling and fingers searching for handholds. He's easier to handle this time, pressing instead of pulling, asking instead of taking. His body is soft and pliant as he gives himself over to James, his skin red with nerves instead of strain. His eyes are wide and clear, almost luminescent under the soft glow of sunset, and there's only the slightest anxiety on his face. The amount of trust held in his gaze easily overshadows it, and James finds comfort in the fact that Kendall looks like the fearless boy he'd fallen in love with so long ago.

James takes his time stretching him, fingers slick and dripping with lube as they slide over soft skin. Kendall sighs, hands running through James' hair and over his neck, across his shoulders and the top of his back. Occasionally, his nails dig in, fingers pressing hard as he grunts, face contorted in pained confusion. He relaxes quickly as his muscles submit to James and continues petting the older boy.

"James," Kendall finally says, voice strained, "James, I'm ready."

He tilts his hips up for emphasis. James gives his fingers a few final pumps before pulling out, his own dick leaking when Kendall makes a quiet, almost distressed sound at the loss. James squeezes the blond's cock briefly in acknowledgement and slips Kendall's body from his legs, scooting back to line up.

James enters with a slow glide, Kendall's body open and eager after all the attention James has given it. The smaller boy sighs, voice cracking oddly when James bottoms out, and a brief flash of pain crosses his face. James fists Kendall's cock to ease the younger boy's discomfort and Kendall's expression quickly smooths out at the contact.

James is careful, pulling back and sliding in with a calm they hadn't had time for before. Kendall clutches at James' shoulders, pulling him until their chests touch, their hearts beating side by side. James grins down at the blond, eyes lazy as his entire world shrinks to the boy beneath him. He watches the way Kendall's expressions shift, eyes open and smiling, drifting shut with pleasure, and then snapping wide again, like he can't bare to miss a second. James understands the feeling, eyes flicking around as he tries to commit ever breath to memory.

Kendall tilts his chin up and initiates a kiss, their lips brushing just slightly until James presses back, deepening the connection. Kendall purrs with approval, hands starting to drift, still slightly hesitant as they begin to explore. His palms glide up and down James' back with a quiet fascination, soft moans tumbling from his mouth as they move together. James shifts the angle of his hips just slightly, leaning forward to get closer. Kendall's fingers dig in suddenly, and he's grasping at James' shoulder blades, mewling into the kiss. For a moment James thinks he's hurt the younger boy, but then Kendall is kissing him deeper, whispering against his lips, "There! There, James, right there. Uhh, hit there again."

James complies, adding a little more force to his thrusts and feeling a thrill of victory when Kendall clenches pleasantly around him.

Kendall doesn't say much, only mumbling occasional pleas for more against James' lips. He's quieter than James had expected, but each breath he takes is full of information, letting James know what he likes and doesn't; that he enjoys being held close but not down, that he likes having fingers pass through his hair but he doesn't care to have it pulled. He likes to be touched and kissed and cherished, likes it when James calls him beautiful, though he blushes fiercely and doesn't respond.

He likes to kiss too, oh how he likes to kiss, lips moving against James' until their mouths are both red and sore. He moves on then, continuing across James' face and down his neck, tongue dipping down to taste skin. He doesn't bite though, and that's probably one of the biggest changes between now and before, right along with the lack of demands. It's strange for about a moment, until James realizes that neither of those actions were products of arousal, but of fear; Kendall had been terrified, and he'd been exposed in every sense. Aggression was the only thing he had to hide behind.

Things are different now because Kendall is comfortable. He wants this.

He wants James.

The realization of what he's been given had sort of flitted by James earlier, but now it slams into him with the force of a bomb. Kendall wants him, trusts him, actually loves him, and that's not just a word being thrown around but something he actually feels. It's not the sort of love his parents had, not the kind of thing that is said and forgotten, thrown away when things get hard, but something real and perfect and Kendall has decided to give it to James.

James chokes on his breath, half gasping as he leans away from Kendall's lips so he can see the blond's face.

"I love you." James says, earnest as he brings his hands up to frame Kendall's face.

"I love you, too, James." Kendall says, emotions laid bare as he says the words. They're honest, the most honest words James has ever heard and they're being said to him, to him. Kendall could have anyone and he's chosen James fucking Diamond.

James smiles because he can't help it and drops forward to join their lips again for the same reason, pushing Kendall into the mattress as he forces all of his passion into the kiss.

I understand. He wants to say, tries to do so with his tongue, I thought I understood before, but I really get it now. You love me. You actually love me.

James can't help the way he starts moving faster, mind running wild with glee, but Kendall doesn't seem to mind, smiling wide against James' lips as he starts to moan a little more. Kissing hurts right now, both of their lips still sore despite the reprieve, but James doesn't care and Kendall is eager if anything. The sounds he's making are growing louder, not even silenced by James' tongue, and James just pushes his body harder, wanting to hear more.

He wants to solidify this moment, to have it imbedded and embossed and framed in his brain for eternity, to never forget that Kendall Donald Knight loves him. He relishes the feel of blond hair sliding through his fingers and a supple mouth moving against his own, skin to skin and heart to heart. He loses himself in the heat of Kendall's body, thrusting deep and hard and fast, groaning as Kendall spasms pleasantly around him. The sound of their bodies rocking, of the bed bouncing against the wall are both lost under the cry of his name as Kendall comes, then the sound of his own startled voice as he follows just after.

The rush hits him harder than any other time before, and James barely has the presence of mind to break their kiss to keep from biting down. His hand reaches down for Kendall blindly, and he helps bring the blond off as he rides out his own orgasm, praises spilling past his lips as he proclaims his love for the boy beneath him. Kendall's body envelops his senses, his heat pulsing around James like an echo.

Kendall fucks up into James' fist and back down against his cock, lost in the thrill of his orgasm, shaking with it as wave after wave washes over him. He's moaning, long and loud, voice light and airy, like he can't quite make the time to catch his breath. James lets his head fall forward to rest against Kendall's, his chin sliding over the blond's sweaty forehead as his hips jerk wildly.

James feels like he's coming forever, Kendall's body milking him dry as the blond spasms around him. It's the most incredible feeling, Kendall chest heaving in time with his own as they breathe each other's air, smiles staining their lips.

"I love you." James says to break the silence, and just saying the words makes him laugh.

Kendall turns his head and places a kiss against the side of James' neck, "I love you too."

James can feel his smile grow against his skin and he laughs again, wrapping the blond up in his arms.

It's the first and the last time they say as much out loud. Kendall's mostly recovered and they no longer can hole up in his room without suspicion. Whatever this is, it's still new, and back in the real world things aren't as simple as falling into bed together. In the real world there's Carlos and Logan, and the reminder that James isn't the only one who's touched Kendall so intimately. In the real world, there's expectations and doubt and a whole lot of awkward.

The following days are strange, all four boys dancing around each other in confusion. They don't know how to act around each other, how long is too long when it comes to a friendly touch, or what order they're supposed to sit in. Mama Knight is oblivious to it all, happy to have her son up and about again, earlier then expected. He's growing up, maybe even growing out of that seasonal bug he always manages to get. James finds it's not as difficult to look her in the eyes as he'd expected it to be. Logan seems to be the only one struggling there, but Carlos' usual enthusiasm is a decent cover. Kendall just blushes and looks at the floor.

They don't talk about it; not the heat that ravaged Kendall's body, or the fact that they've all had sex. They don't talk about how Carlos and Logan walk a little closer, shoulders bumping twice as much; or how James hasn't slept in his own bed in days, curled around Kendall protectively; how echos of the fever make Kendall shake and sweat and cling; or how James holds him close and silences his sounds with gentle lips, fingers playing below the sheets and legs tangling with Kendall's own as they make tender love, stomping out the embers in the younger's chest. They certainly don't talk about how often such an act isn't driven by the heat at all.

There are changes between everyone. Camille stops chasing after Logan and Carlos doesn't pursue the Jennifers. James' eyes don't wander anymore and Kendall's gaze is steadier than ever behind his sunglasses. They share a smile, a laugh, a look that says I remember.

They don't talk about it, but under the cloak of midnight, their touches say more than words ever could.


End file.
